Plans are not always solutions.

This is a translation of the blog written in Afrikaans, Planne is nie altyd oplossings nie.. Translation done by Mom, with the help of Google Translator.

Written on 21 July 2023

I make plans all day long. It’s my way of trying to keep my body in check. Not all my plans work out like I planned it. In order to make plans, I need information.

Preparing for a situation means that I want as much information as possible to help prepare me for the challenges that may lie ahead for me.  That means we can look at what a place looks like, how many people there’s going to be, how much noise there’s going to be, whether there’s possibly going to be other triggers.

Other triggers are e.g. stuff that derails my body. I can give a list of things that derail me, but I’m not going to do that.  My triggers are not all autistic people’s triggers. Other autistic people’s triggers are not necessarily my triggers. We all have different triggers, but for everyone it helps to prepare for a situation.

Preparing is something that has always helped me, but has also helped derail me. If I don’t prepare, failure is guaranteed. Preparing myself means forming a picture in my head of what’s going to happen. Then if things don’t go the way I thought they were going to go, that’s a big trigger for me to derail. So, I also have to prepare for the fact that things may not work out the way I prepared.

It sounds like a terrible business, but in my head is already a list of things that will help me cope with situations. Through all the time we’ve been struggling with my body, we’ve already gathered some stuff that works for my body. I can also make a list of that stuff, but it also varies from person to person. My mom helps me by looking up things that other people say help them and then she asks if I want to give it a try. If it works, it’s something that helps for me. If it doesn’t work, it’s something that doesn’t help me but helps someone else. I would never say something doesn’t work for autistic people, just that it doesn’t work for me. We are all different. We all need different things, but I believe we all benefit from being prepared.

Compiling my list of things that help me, is an important part of my life path.  My mum helps me by giving me a chance to reflect on my life lessons so we can learn something from them.  If we tried something, she would always ask me about it so I would have a chance to think why something works for me or doesn’t work. That’s a very good thing, because that’s how we both learn to be able to help me. By making plans before we venture into a difficult situation, we can prepare myself better. We can then try out my plans to see if they work.  If my plan works, it’s been a good plan that worked out well. If my plan didn’t work out, then we need to think about why it didn’t work.

I had a plan to go see my sister off at the airport today. I had my plan all worked out. I prepared myself psychologically for all the sensory triggers that an excursion in the airport would entail, including on the road we have to drive to the airport. We also  prepared by letting me go to bed early in the evening so I could get enough sleep. I had gone to the airport before, so it wasn’t hard to prepare myself. My mum helped me by explaining everything nicely and waking me up on time so that I have enough time to get myself ready for the drive. Everything went according to plan. We were all calm, like I asked us to be. When we got out of the car at the airport, my body just refused to cooperate. I could barely walk. It just wasn’t a good day for my body. It happens sometimes. Nothing warns me in advance, it just happens out of the blue.

My plan was good. My preparation was good. Everything was fine. It was just my body that failed to function properly.

It’s something that happens sometimes, that I have to prepare for as well. I am extremely disappointed when this happens to me. Keeping calm such times is a huge challenge.  Even though we did everything right, my plan didn’t work. We can try whatever we want at such times, my body just doesn’t want to work. All that helps then is to keep me calm so that I don’t upset myself any further. Upsetting myself even further, will only result in an ugly meltdown.

My big advantage is that I can communicate now.  I can now “say” if I can’t go any further. So, when my mum asked me if I still wanted to go with into the airport building, I could tell her that I could not do it anymore and would rather wait in the car.  Because I can communicate, it is possible for me to make my life so much better. It gives me control over a situation that is completely out of control for me. Everything is just so much easier because my communication allows me to say when I’d rather stop or turn around. Communication gives me back the control over my life which my out-of-control body steals away from me.

I have to live with the fact that all my plans are not always solutions. It’s not fun if my plan doesn’t work. All that helps me is the knowledge that I can communicate now and yet still have control over the situation.

Plans sometimes work.

Sometimes not.

It’s not the end of the world if a plan doesn’t work.

Another plan wouldn’t have worked today either.

The best part is that I didn’t allow my disappointment to turn into a meltdown. That’s the very best plan if things don’t go according to plan.

Now I feel much better about my plan that didn’t work, because we were able to handle it so that my uncooperative body didn’t make things bad for anyone else. This means that it was still a successful outing for me and my family.