A fun day for me, is a day filled with learning new things.
When my brain is occupied, my body is much calmer than when I am bored.
To have a calm body is absolute bliss.
I am astonished to see how my body is acting since I am attending UCT OHS (University of Cape Town Online High School) . I have never been this happy before. I can see that my body looks almost normal when I am busy with my schoolwork. I have never before had so much control over my stupid body as I have when I study intricate work. I have to work very hard to keep up with the schedule I have to stick to. I struggle to keep up, but so does the other kids. I am so proud of my Science marks. I got 49/50 which is the best thing since I was most scared of failing this subject. I am very concerned that I still have to get permission from SACAI.
I have to add that I am very grateful for the support we get from the UCT OHS-team. I have given my Support Coach and Wellbeing Team member extra work because of my disabilities, but they are great in supporting me.
I have met my Afrikaans teacher . She is also very friendly and tried to help me with the questions I had.
I have to be optimistic, or I’ll get depressed. Being optimistic is easy now that I am doing work that is difficult enough that I understand why revision is necessary. Before I started Grade 10, I was extremely bored with my schoolwork. Now I have to apply my mind and I love every minute of it. I have to say, I am now not going to get such good marks any more, but that is okay. I have proofed that I am clever. So, now I can just enjoy the learning process and that is great to say.
I am so happy to be in a school, but I know I’ll have to proof to my teachers that I deserve to be there. This is something normal children do not have to do. They are considered good enough to attend school until they proof otherwise. For people like me, that is not the case. I hope I have what it takes to make it to the end of matric. No matter what happens, I have proven myself to me and no one will be able to rob me of that experience and for that I shall be for ever grateful.
This blog was written in Afrikaans by me and translated by my mom, with the help of Google Translate, Lisa and Ricardo. Thank you for your effort to help me reach more people by translating my words. I appreciate your effort.
My lyf maak my bly
My lyf is my grootste struikelblok. My lyf maak my baie kwaad. Maar soms gebeur daar goed wat my weer laat hoop kry. Al is hierdie goed nie baie belangrik vir ander mense nie, vir my is dit groot. Ons maak ‘n groot bohaai oor hierdie goed wat ander sal mis kyk. Daar is ‘n goeie rede vir die groot bohaai. My mooiste is ook as my gesin my goeie oomblikke saam met my vier.
My lyf is nie nou net sleg nie want my lyf is tog die ding wat my instaat stel om te kan kommunikeer al is dit nie met my mond soos ander mense dit doen nie. My lyf is ‘n woorde-maker deurdat ek op die borde spel of skryf saam met my mamma.
Die soveelste mooiste ding wat onlangs gebeur het, is dat ek dit kon regkry om my mamma te wys dat ek iets wil sê. Sy hou haar gewoonlik gereed om my te help om te kommunikeer, maar as my lyf nie tot by haar kan kom om te wys dat ons moet gesels nie, dan weet sy nie dat ek wil praat nie.
So, om haar te beduie dat my lyf nou wil gehelp word om te gesels, is ‘n baie belangrike stap vir my, want dan kan my lyf my help om te praat wanneer ek wil en nie net wanneer iemand my n kans gee om te praat nie. Om heeltemal onafhanklik van hulp te kan kommunikeer is n droom wat my soveel nagte al laat wakker skrik het. Dit is nou my grootste droom om dit te kan bereik. Ons is baie verseker nog n stappie nader aan die realiseering van daardie mooi droom.
Ons is besig om voort te bou op my kommunikasie “skills”. Dit is harde werk om my kommunikasie “skills” uit te brei. Ons was so bly toe ek dit kon regkry om te wys op die borde wat ek wil sê. Dit het lank gevat vir my om te vorder van my eerste woord op die borde tot waar ek alles wat ek wil sê kon spel of skryf. Dit was baie harde werk. Ons moes baie oefen. Maar dit was die moeite werd. Ons kan dit maar vir die wêreld uit basuin dat om te spel op die borde is harde werk, maar NIKS is meer die moeite werd as om dit te kon regkry nie.
Dit is ‘n baie belangrike ding vir nie-praters om te onthou. Kommunikasie is nie maklik vir ons wat nie stemme het nie, maar dit is beslis moontlik.
Om my lewe sonder kommunikasie te kon agter laat moes daar iemand gewees het wat my aanhou help het. My mamma was daardie persoon. Dit is al hoekom my kommunikasie gevorder het tot waar ons vandag is.
My mamma het nie moed opgegee toe dit baie swaar gegaan het met my nie.
Sy het aanhou werk al het dit vreeslik rof gegaan by tye. Sy het swaar gekry. Dit is n donker tyd vir ons al twee gewees toe sy my moes help om te leer spel op die borde. So, vir my is dit altyd baie swaar as ons nie vir my vriende, wat ook nie-praters is, ‘n mamma of n ander persoon wat soos my mamma is, kan “organize” nie. Dit breek my hart as my vriende nie iemand het wat hulle aanhou help wanneer dit swaar gaan nie. My hart sukkel baie oor dit nie vir hulle beskore is om ook so ‘n iemand te hê wat hulle bystaan nie.
Om vir my vriende te help, moet hulle ook iemand hê wat bereid is om vas te byt deur die swaar tye.
Ons kan getuig dat dinge beter sal raak as hulle nou net vas byt. Maar ons bly hoop dat almal uiteindelik gehelp sal word.
My stem sal nooit ophou om te praat oor die verskil wat kommunikasie in my lewe gemaak het nie in die hoop dat my storie ander sal inspireer om ook deur te druk as dit swaar gaan.
*My body makes me happy.
My body is my biggest obstacle. My body makes me very angry. But sometimes things happen that gives me hope again. Even if these things are not very important to other people, to me they are huge. We make a big fuss about this stuff that others will miss. There is a good reason for the big fuss. My best is also when my family celebrates my good moments with me.
My body is not just bad because my body is the thing that enables me to communicate, even if it is not with my mouth as other people do. My body is a word-maker because I spell or write on the boards with my mom.
The most beautiful thing that happened recently is that I managed to show my mom that I wanted to say something. She usually keeps herself ready to help me communicate, but if my body can’t reach her to show that we need to talk, then she doesn’t know that I want to talk.
So, signaling to her that my body now wants to be helped to speak is a very important step for me, because then my body can help me to speak when I want to and not only when someone gives me a chance to speak . Being able to communicate completely independently of help is a dream that has woken me up so many nights. It is now my biggest dream to be able to achieve it.
We are building on my communication skills. It is hard work to expand my communication skills. We were so happy when I managed to point to the boards what I wanted to say. It took a long time for me to progress from my first word on the board to where I could spell or write everything I wanted to say. It was very hard work. We had to practice a lot. But it was worth it. We can only trumpet it to the world that spelling on the boards is hard work, but NOTHING is more worth the effort than being able to get it right.
This is a very important thing for non-speakers to remember. Communication is not easy for us who do not have voices, but it is certainly possible.
To be able to leave my life without communication behind there must have been someone who continued to help me. My mom was that person. This is why my communication has progressed to where we are today.
My mom didn’t give up when things were really hard for me.
She continued to work even though it was terribly rough at times. She suffered. It was a dark time for both of us when she had to help me learn to spell on the boards. So, for me it’s always very hard if we can’t “organize” for my friends, who are also non-speakers, a mom or another person who is like my mom. It breaks my heart when my friends don’t have someone to keep helping them when the going gets tough. My heart struggles a lot because they are not destined to have someone like that who assists them.
To help my friends, they also need someone who is willing to stick with them through the hard times.
We can testify that things will get better if they just bite the bullet. But we keep hoping that eventually everyone will be helped.
My voice will never stop talking about the difference communication has made in my life in the hope that my story will inspire others to push through when the going gets tough.
Me and Hondjie on our way to our farm the day after my visit with my old schoolfriend.
Ons gaan kuier vir ‘n ou skoolmaat.
Geskryf op 28 Julie 2023
Om my ou skoolvriende te sien is gewoonlik baie lekker vir my. Ek het goeie herinneringe aan die kinders wat saam met my in die skool was voor ek met my skoolloopbaan saam met gewone kinders begin het, maar my herinneringe aan die skool is nie goed nie. Inteendeel, dit is meestal baie slegte herinneringe. Dit is nie lekker om daaroor te praat nie, maar dit is belangrik om my te help om my verlede te verwerk.
Ek is nie besig om my verlede te vergeet nie, want dit is nie moontlik nie. Om te vergeet, sal beteken dat ek vergeet van die mense wat nog steeds nie mooi verstaan hoe non-speaking outisme werk nie. Ek het my bes probeer om hulle te laat verstaan hoe dit werk, maar lyk my hulle verstaan nog steeds nie mooi nie. My skoolmaats moet ook gehelp word. Om hulle te bereik is baie moeilik as hulle nog in die skool is. So, as ek hoor iemand is nie meer in die skool nie, is dit vir my baie goed want dan weet ek hulle is nou ook uit daardie baie slegte omgewing waar hulle nie verstaan word nie. Maar dan beteken dit nog nie dat hulle nou op ‘n plek is waar hulle wel verstaan word nie.
Om op ‘n plek te wees waar jy kan kommunikeer sodat jy self kan praat, is baie lekker, want dan kan jy ook vir jou mense vertel hoe jou lyf werk sodat hulle jou beter verstaan.
Ons was gister by ‘n vriend wat saam met my in die klas was in die skool wat ons nie verstaan nie. My herinneringe aan hom is baie traumaties. Hy was nog baie jonk toe hy in daardie skool was. Hy het baie swaar gekry toe hy saam met my was. Sy lyf is ook soos myne. Ons sukkel om gedoen te kry wat ons wil doen. Hy het baie keer in die moeilikheid gekom oor sy lyf hom in die steek gelaat het. Hy hou ook nie van geskel word nie. Dit was vir hom ook onmoontlik om sy lyf bestuur te kry terwyl hy geskel word.
Ons het van mekaar geweet en mekaar se stryd verstaan, maar ons kon nie met mekaar praat daaroor nie. Ons het al twee swaar gekry, maar ons was al twee alleen in ons stryd. Ons kon mekaar nie ondersteun behalwe met ‘n kyk nie. Ek sal sy verwese ogies nie uit my gedagtes kry nie. Dit was so traumaties vir my dat ek hom nie kon help nie.
Dit is so swaar om daaraan te dink, dat my lyf so deurmekaar is terwyl ek hier skryf, dat dit ‘n sirkus is hier soos my lyf te kere gaan.
Ons het al twee dit oorleef.
Dit is wat nou die belangrikste deel van my storie is:
Ons het oorleef.
Ons kan nou kommunikeer.
Ons is al twee op pad na hoër hoogtes as wat ons vorige skool ooit sou kon droom.
Ons gaan weer heel word.
Ons gaan die kans hê om te praat oor wat ons ervaar het.
Ons het ‘n toekoms wat ons ander ou klasmaats nog nie het nie.
Ons is nou op ‘n goeie pad.
Ons kan nou vorentoe gaan.
Om gister by hierdie ou klasmaat te kon kuier, was vir my ‘n vreeslike groot ding. Om vir hom te sien, was baie swaar vir my.
Hy is nou baie groter as toe ons in dieselfde klas was. Ek sien hom nog steeds kyk na my met daardie oë wat sê ons verstaan mekaar. Maar ons is nie meer so bang en verwese soos wat ons was nie. Ek sien nou by hom ook hoop vir die toekoms. Dit is die heel mooiste vir my. Hoop is ‘n baie kosbare ding. Sonder hoop is die lewe baie bitter swaar.
My hart voel nou beter oor my vriend.
Hy gaan okay wees.
Ons gaan al twee okay wees.
We are going to visit an old school friend.
Written on 28 July 2023 in Afrikaans and translated by Mom with the help of Google translate.
I usually enjoy seeing my old school friends again. I have good memories of the children who were in school with me before I started my school career with ordinary children, but my memories of school are not good. On the contrary, they are mostly very bad memories. It’s not fun to talk about, but it’s important to help me come to terms with my past.
I am not trying to forget my past because it is not possible. To forget, would mean I forget about the people who still don’t quite understand how non-speaking autism works. I tried my best to make them understand how it works, but it seems to me they still don’t quite understand. My schoolmates also need to be helped. Reaching them is very difficult when they are still in school. So, when I hear that someone is no longer in school, it is very good for me because then I know that they are now also freed from that very bad environment where they are not understood. But then, it still does not mean that they are now in a place where they are understood.
Being in a place where you can communicate, so that you can speak for yourself is very nice, because then you can also tell your people how your body works so that they understand you better.
Yesterday we visited a friend who was in class with me in the school that does not understand us. My memories of him are very traumatic. He was still very young when he was in that school. He suffered a lot when he was in class with me. His body is also like mine. We struggle to get done what we want to do. He got into trouble many times because his body failed him. He also doesn’t like being scolded. It was also impossible for him to manage his body while being scolded.
We knew about each other and understood each other’s struggles, but we couldn’t talk to each other about it. We both suffered, but we were both alone in our struggle. We could not support each other in any other way than with a look. I won’t get his sad eyes out of my mind. It was so traumatic for me that I couldn’t help him. It’s so hard to recall these memories that my body is all messed up while I’m writing here. It’s a circus here as my body goes crazy.
We both survived it.
This is now the most important part of my story:
We survived.
We can communicate now.
We are both on our way to greater heights than our previous school could ever dream of.
We will become whole again.
We are going to have the chance to talk about what we experienced.
We have a future that our other old classmates do not yet have.
We are now on a good path.
We can move forward now.
Being able to visit this old classmate yesterday was a terribly big thing for me. Seeing him was very hard for me.
He is much bigger now than when we were in the same class. I still see him looking at me with those eyes that say we understand each other. But we are no longer as afraid and sad as we were. I now also see hope for the future in him. It is the most beautiful to me. Hope is a very precious thing. Without hope, life is very bitterly hard.
Me and my beautiful sister on the evening she looked the most beautiful to me.
This is a translation of the blog written in Afrikaans, Planne is nie altyd oplossings nie.. Translation done by Mom, with the help of Google Translator.
Written on 21 July 2023
I make plans all day long. It’s my way of trying to keep my body in check. Not all my plans work out like I planned it. In order to make plans, I need information.
Preparing for a situation means that I want as much information as possible to help prepare me for the challenges that may lie ahead for me. That means we can look at what a place looks like, how many people there’s going to be, how much noise there’s going to be, whether there’s possibly going to be other triggers.
Other triggers are e.g. stuff that derails my body. I can give a list of things that derail me, but I’m not going to do that. My triggers are not all autistic people’s triggers. Other autistic people’s triggers are not necessarily my triggers. We all have different triggers, but for everyone it helps to prepare for a situation.
Preparing is something that has always helped me, but has also helped derail me. If I don’t prepare, failure is guaranteed. Preparing myself means forming a picture in my head of what’s going to happen. Then if things don’t go the way I thought they were going to go, that’s a big trigger for me to derail. So, I also have to prepare for the fact that things may not work out the way I prepared.
It sounds like a terrible business, but in my head is already a list of things that will help me cope with situations. Through all the time we’ve been struggling with my body, we’ve already gathered some stuff that works for my body. I can also make a list of that stuff, but it also varies from person to person. My mom helps me by looking up things that other people say help them and then she asks if I want to give it a try. If it works, it’s something that helps for me. If it doesn’t work, it’s something that doesn’t help me but helps someone else. I would never say something doesn’t work for autistic people, just that it doesn’t work for me. We are all different. We all need different things, but I believe we all benefit from being prepared.
Compiling my list of things that help me, is an important part of my life path. My mum helps me by giving me a chance to reflect on my life lessons so we can learn something from them. If we tried something, she would always ask me about it so I would have a chance to think why something works for me or doesn’t work. That’s a very good thing, because that’s how we both learn to be able to help me. By making plans before we venture into a difficult situation, we can prepare myself better. We can then try out my plans to see if they work. If my plan works, it’s been a good plan that worked out well. If my plan didn’t work out, then we need to think about why it didn’t work.
I had a plan to go see my sister off at the airport today. I had my plan all worked out. I prepared myself psychologically for all the sensory triggers that an excursion in the airport would entail, including on the road we have to drive to the airport. We also prepared by letting me go to bed early in the evening so I could get enough sleep. I had gone to the airport before, so it wasn’t hard to prepare myself. My mum helped me by explaining everything nicely and waking me up on time so that I have enough time to get myself ready for the drive. Everything went according to plan. We were all calm, like I asked us to be. When we got out of the car at the airport, my body just refused to cooperate. I could barely walk. It just wasn’t a good day for my body. It happens sometimes. Nothing warns me in advance, it just happens out of the blue.
My plan was good. My preparation was good. Everything was fine. It was just my body that failed to function properly.
It’s something that happens sometimes, that I have to prepare for as well. I am extremely disappointed when this happens to me. Keeping calm such times is a huge challenge. Even though we did everything right, my plan didn’t work. We can try whatever we want at such times, my body just doesn’t want to work. All that helps then is to keep me calm so that I don’t upset myself any further. Upsetting myself even further, will only result in an ugly meltdown.
My big advantage is that I can communicate now. I can now “say” if I can’t go any further. So, when my mum asked me if I still wanted to go with into the airport building, I could tell her that I could not do it anymore and would rather wait in the car. Because I can communicate, it is possible for me to make my life so much better. It gives me control over a situation that is completely out of control for me. Everything is just so much easier because my communication allows me to say when I’d rather stop or turn around. Communication gives me back the control over my life which my out-of-control body steals away from me.
I have to live with the fact that all my plans are not always solutions. It’s not fun if my plan doesn’t work. All that helps me is the knowledge that I can communicate now and yet still have control over the situation.
Plans sometimes work.
Sometimes not.
It’s not the end of the world if a plan doesn’t work.
Another plan wouldn’t have worked today either.
The best part is that I didn’t allow my disappointment to turn into a meltdown. That’s the very best plan if things don’t go according to plan.
Now I feel much better about my plan that didn’t work, because we were able to handle it so that my uncooperative body didn’t make things bad for anyone else. This means that it was still a successful outing for me and my family.
Ek en my mooi sussie die aand wat sy op haar mooiste gelyk het vir my.
Geskryf op 21 Julie 2023
Ek maak planne heel dag lank. Dit is my manier om my lyf te probeer in toom hou. Nie al my planne werk altyd nie. Om planne te kan maak, het ek inligting nodig.
Om voor te berei vir ‘n situasie beteken dat ek soveel moontlik inligting wil hê as wat moontlik is om my te help om my voor te berei op die uitdagings wat vir my mag voorlê. Dit beteken dat ons kan kyk hoe ‘n plek lyk, hoeveel mense daar gaan wees, hoeveel geraas daar gaan wees, of daar moontlik ander, “triggers” gaan wees.
Ander “triggers” is bv goed wat my lyf laat ontspoor. Ek kan ‘n lys gee van goed wat my laat ontspoor, maar ek gaan dit nie doen nie. My “triggers” is nie alle outistiese mense se “triggers” nie. Ander outistiese mense se “triggers” is nie noodwendig my “triggers” nie. Ons het almal verskillende “triggers”, maar vir almal help dit om voor te berei op ‘n situasie
Om voor te berei is iets wat my nog altyd gehelp het, maar ook al gehelp het om my te laat ontspoor. As ek nie voor berei nie, is mislukking my voorland. Om my voor te berei beteken dat ek ‘n prentjie in my kop vorm van wat gaan gebeur. As dinge dan nie verloop soos wat ek gedink het dit gaan verloop nie, is dit ‘n groot “trigger” vir my om te ontspoor. So, ek moet my ook voorberei daarop dat dinge nie gaan uitwerk soos wat ek my voorberei het nie.
Dit klink na ‘n vreeslike besigheid, maar in my kop is al klaar ‘n lys van goed wat my sal help om situasies te hanteer. Deur al die tyd wat ons al gespook het met my lyf, het ons al ‘n paar goed bymekaar gemaak wat vir my lyf werk. Ek kan ook ‘n lys van daardie goed maak, maar dit verskil ook van persoon tot persoon. My mamma help my deur goed op te soek wat ander mense sê vir hulle help en dan vra sy of ek dit wil probeer. As dit werk, is dit iets wat vir my help. As dit nie werk nie, is dit iets wat nie vir my help nie maar vir iemand anders help. Ek sal nooit sê iets werk nie vir outistiese mense nie, net dat dit nie vir my werk nie. Ons is almal verskillend. Ons het almal verskillende goed nodig, maar ek glo ons almal baat by voorbereid wees.
Om my lys op te stel van goed wat vir my werk, is ‘n belangrike deel van my lewenspad. My mamma help my deur my kans te gee om oor my lewenslesse na te dink sodat ons daaruit iets kan leer. As ons iets probeer het, sal sy my altyd daaroor vra sodat ek kans kry om te dink hoekom iets vir my werk of nie werk nie. Dit is ‘n baie goeie ding, want so leer ons al twee om my te kan help. Deur planne te maak voor ons ‘n moeilike situasie aandurf, kan ons my beter voor berei. Ons kan dan my planne uit probeer om te sien of dit werk. As my plan werk, is dit ‘n goeie plan gewees wat goed uitgewerk het. As my plan nie uitgewerk het nie, dan moet ons dink hoekom dit nie gewerk het nie.
Ek het ‘n plan gehad om my sussie te gaan afsien by die lughawe vandag. Ek het my plan agter mekaar gehad. Ek het my sielkundig voorberei vir al die sensoriese “triggers” wat ‘n uitstappie in die lughawe sou inhou, ook op die pad wat ons moet ry lughawe toe. Ons het my ook help voor berei deur my vroeg aand bed toe te laat gaan sodat ek genoeg slaap kan kry. Ek het al voorheen lughawe toe gegaan, so dit was nie moeilik om myself voor te berei nie. My mamma het my gehelp deur alles mooi te verduidelik en my betyds wakker te maak sodat ek genoeg tyd het om myself reg te kry om te ry. Alles het mooi volgens plan verloop. Ons was almal rustig, soos wat ek gevra het ons moet wees. Toe ons uitklim uit die bakkie by die lughawe het my lyf net geweier om saam te werk. Ek kon skaars geloop kry. Dit was net nie ‘n goeie dag vir my lyf nie. Dit gebeur soms. Niks waarsku my vooraf nie, dit gebeur sommer net uit die bloute.
My plan was goed. My voorbereiding was goed. Alles was goed. Dit was net my lyf wat nie reg wou werk nie.
Dit is iets wat soms gebeur waarop ek my ook moet voorberei. Om kalm te bly sulke tye, is baie moeilik. Die terleurstelling vir my, as dit gebeur, is verskriklik erg. Al het ons alles reg gedoen, het my plan nie gewerk nie. Ons kan maar maak wat ons wil sulke tye, die lyf van my wil net nie werk nie. Al wat dan help is om my rustig te hou sodat ek my nie verder ontstel nie. As ek my nog verder ontstel, raak dit net ‘n lelike ‘meltdown’.
My groot voordeel is dat ek nou kan kommunikeer. Ek kan nou “sê” as ek nie verder kan nie. So, toe my mamma my vra of ek nog wil saam gaan in die lughawe gebou in, kon ek “sê” dat ek nie meer kans sien nie en eerder in die bakkie wil wag. Dit gee my beheer oor ‘n situasie wat heeltemal uit beheer is vir my. Omdat ek kan kommunikeer, is dit vir my moontlik om my lewe soveel beter te maak. Alles is net soveel makliker omdat my kommunikasie my is staat stel om te sê wanneer ek eerder wil stop of omdraai. Kommunikasie gee vir my die beheer oor my lewe wat my uit-beheer-lyf van my steel.
Ek moet daarmee saamleef dat al my planne nie altyd oplossings is nie. Dit is nie lekker as my plan nie werk nie. Al wat help vir my terleurstelling is die wete dat ek nou kan kommunikeer en tog nog beheer oor die situasie het.
Planne werk soms.
Soms nie.
Dit is nie die einde van die wereld as ‘n plan nie werk nie.
‘n Ander plan sou ook nie vandag gewerk het nie.
Die beste is dat ek nie die terleurstelling toegelaat het om ‘n meltdown te raak nie. Dit is die heel beste plan as dinge nie volgens plan verloop nie.
Nou voel ek baie beter oor my plan wat nie gewerk het nie, want ons kon dit hanteer sodat my halstarrige lyf niemand anders benadeel het nie. Dit beteken dat dit steeds ‘n suksesvolle uitstappie was vir my en my gesin.
My body has always been my worst part: it doesn’t struggle to act up, but when it comes to doing something I want to do, it’s a different story.
It is a struggle, to say the least.
It is so difficult that we often give up before we have even tried.
It’s such a struggle, that we don’t try anymore because we’ve had too many disappointments. We are not ready to face more disappointments. The only time my body has not let me down yet, is because we don’t expect anything more from it.
All my body has always been able to do well is act up, because I can do that without difficulty.
My body’s level of functioning is far below that of my brain. My brain is far ahead of other people my age, but my body is like that of a young child who still struggles to get simple things done.
My mom is not worried about my body, so she doesn’t bother to teach my body new things anymore. It’s ok, because my mom helps my brain to learn really smart things that help me handle my body better. But now my body lags even further behind. Now my body falls even further behind because we don’t make much effort with it.
Because this year is now a “gap” year for me, because I don’t go to school, it is a good time to pay attention to my body so that my body can get better. Because my body struggles so much, it is hard to learn new things. Even though it is not easy, it is still important to me to learn new things for my body.
To help me with my body, my dad and my sister are better than my mom. They help me very nicely. The best is if they help me to get my body to also do chores on the farm with them. As a result, I am able to give milk to the lambs, help feed the sheep and open and close the gates. It sounds like very simple things for a boy of my age to be able to do, but for me these are very excellent achievements that I have mastered.
The greatest highlight for me was when they helped me, with my body, so that I could join them in moving the sheep to our winter farm. It was the greatest achievement I have ever achieved with my body.
My body surprised us all, most of all myself. It wasn’t easy to successfully coach my body to get it to do the right things. We struggled. The first day my sister was quite discouraged about my body not wanting to cooperate, but she had a nice chat with me that evening. We made plans together about how she should handle my body if it goes off track. Now, that sounds a lot easier than it is. But, she listened carefully to what I told her and she helped me very efficiently the next day. When we got to the last day of the trek (migration), my body was really handy. He worked well with the sheep.
My mum was so surprised when she saw how well I was doing with the sheep. It was great to see how happy she was when she saw how well I manage my body. Without my sister’s help, we certainly wouldn’t have been able to get it right. She helped me a lot to enable myself to get my body to herd the sheep at the right time and place, at the right speed. In order not to scare the sheep, I had to remain calm. Not letting my body get out of control is not always easy. But, out there in the open air, with my Sister, walking behind the sheep, my body was super calm. It was the best feeling I have ever experienced.
I was the happiest I have ever been about getting this right. It will forever be my best reminder of my body’s ability that we underestimated. It gave me so much hope for my future as I had achieved so much more than I could have ever dreamed possible.
When I wrote about us moving the sheep, 2 years ago (My body learns a lesson.), I could never have dreamed that I myself would be able to walk behind the sheep for the three days, could keep my body calm for so many kilometers, nor that I could be of so much help. We struggled with the workers who didn’t understand their work, but there was no need to scold me. My body did what it had to do. It was a big thing for me. This experience will always help me to keep my spirits up when I struggle with my body.
My lyf was nog altyd my vrotste deel: hy sukkel nie om nonsense droog te maak nie, maar as dit kom by iets doen wat ek graag wil doen, is dit n ander storie.
Dit sukkel, om die minste daarvan te sê.
Dit sukkel só baie dat ons dikwels opgee voor ons nog probeer het.
Dit sukkel so kwaai dat ons nie meer probeer nie, want ons het al te veel teleurselings gehad. Ons sien nie kans vir nóg terleurstellings nie. Dit is nou al wat my lyf nog nie my teleurgestel het nie want ons verwag niks meer van hom nie.
Al wat my lyf nog altyd goed kon doen, was goed droog maak, want dit kan ek doen sonder moeite. My lyf is baie vêr agter my brein. My brein is vêr voor ander mense van my ouderdom s’n, maar my lyf is soos ‘n jong kind s’n wat nog sukkel om eenvoudige goed gedoen te kry.
My mamma is nie oor my lyf bekommerd nie, so sy maak nie meer moeite om my lyf nuwe goed te leer nie. Dit is okay, want my mamma help my brein weer baie mooi om mooi slim goed te leer wat my help om my lyf better te hanteer. Maar nou bly my lyf nog verder agter. Nou raak my lyf nog verder agter want ons maak nie baie moeite met hom nie.
Omdat die jaar nou ’n “gap” jaar is vir my, oor ek nie skool gaan nie, is dit n goeie tyd om aan my lyf aandag te gee sodat my lyf ook kan bykom. Omdat my lyf so sukkel is dit swaar om nuwe goed aan te leer. Al is dit nie maklik nie, is dit nog steeds vir my belangrik om nuwe goed vir my lyf aan te leer.
Om my te help met my lyf is my pappa en my sussie better as my mamma. Hulle help my baie mooi. Die beste is as hulle vir my help om my lyf te kry om ook goed op die plaas te doen saam met hulle. So kan ek al die hanslammers melk gee, die skape help voer gee en die hekke oop en toe maak. Dit klink na baie simple goed vir ‘n seun van my ouderom om te kan doen, maar vir my is dit baie uitstekende prestasies wat ek bereik het. Die heel beste vir my is toe hulle my gehelp het sodat die lyf van my die skape help trek het na ons winters plaas. Dit was die grootste prestasie wat ek nog behaal het met my lyf.
My lyf het ons almal verbaas, die heel meeste van almal myself. Dit was nie maklik om my lyf reg te kry nie. Ons het gesukkel. Die eerste dag was my Sussie maar taamlik moedeloos oor my lyf nie lekker wou saam werk nie, maar sy het die aand mooi met my gesels en ons het saam planne gemaak oor hoe sy my lyf moet hanteer as hy verkeerd neuk. Nou dit klink baie makliker as wat dit is, maar sy het mooi geluister na wat ek haar gesê het en sy het my die volgende dag mooi gehelp. Teen die laaste dag van die trekkery was my lyf regtig handig. Hy het mooi met die skape gewerk.
My mamma was so verbaas toe sy sien hoe voorspoedig dit gaan met my skaap trekkery. Dit was n groot prestasie vir my om te sien hoe bly sy is toe sy sien hoe mooi ek my lyf bestuur kry. Sonder my Sussie se hulp sou ons dit beslis nie kon reg kry nie. Sy het my so baie gehelp om my self in staat stel om my lyf te kry om op die regte tyd en plek, teen die regte spoed, die skape aan te jaag. Om die skape nie bang te maak nie, moes ek rustig bly. Om my lyf nie uit beheer te laat raak nie, is nie altyd maklik nie. Maar, daar in die buitelug, saam met my Sussie, agter die skape, was my lyf super rustig. Dit was die beste gevoel wat ek nog ooit beleef het.
My hart was die blyste wat hy nog ooit was, oor ons so mooi reg gekom het. Dit sal vir altyd my beste herrinering wees aan my lyf se vermoë wat ons onderskat het. Dit het my soveel hoop gegee oor my toekoms oor dat ek soveel meer bereik het as waarvan ek ooit kon droom. Toe ek oor die skaaptrekkery geskryf het, 2 jaar gelede (My lyf leer ‘n les.) het ek nooit kon droom dat ek self vir die drie dae agter die skaap sal kan stap nie, vir n baie klomp kilometers my lyf rustig kon hou nie, en ook nie dat my lyf so baie kon help nie. Ons het gesukkel met die werkers wat nie hulle werk verstaan het nie, maar vir my was dit nie nodig om geskel te word nie, want my lyf het gedoen wat hy moes doen. Dit was n groot ding vir my. Dit sal my altyd weer help om moed te hou as ek sukkel met my lyf.
Enjoying the peace and quiet next to the Tankwa River, Ashoek, Sutherland.
My mind is not disabled.
My body is not disabled.
My connection between my mind and my body is disabled.
I know this, but I sometimes struggle to accept it.
Because I sometimes struggle to accept it, I sometimes get scared.
I have struggled with my body for so many years without people knowing that I am not mentally or cognitively impaired. That left me in trouble, because those memories still haunt me when I struggle to do something simple with my body like eating my food. I have to use my mind to remind me that my body is not incapable of doing what I want it to do.
My body can do what I want it to do.
I have to remind myself over and over again.
When I am scared, or otherwise influenced by my emotions, I tend to forget this fact that my body is not disabled. I have all the body parts that normal people have. I just struggle to make them cooperate with my mind and make them do what I want them to do. When I allow myself to get frustrated or anxious because I cannot get something done, then I have to make a whole lot more effort to get something done. Even if I am happy or excited, I struggle more with my body.
I have to remind myself – My body is not disabled – and do it again and again and again.
This is my best way to overcome my anxiety when my body gets stuck or struggle to do something. I have to keep that in mind, otherwise I get so frustrated or stuck that I become really disabled. I have experienced those times of being disabled often in my life. When I feel like that, I really struggle to get myself together again. It is so bad that only thinking about it now, makes me totally dysregulated.
I had to take a break from writing this post as all my logic disappeared when the memories of those dark days without communication descended on me for a moment and, the fear which comes with it, robbed me of my calmness and my ability to use my mind effectively. My brain shut down and I had a terrible meltdown.
A meltdown, for me, is not as mild and mellow as it sounds. My brain is not in control. My body is totally on its own mission. This is my worst nightmare come true, losing all my mind’s power to get my body to do what I want it to do. All I do during a meltdown is just try to get my body under control again. While my body is so out of control, my only emotion is fear, a terrible overwhelming fear of never being able to get my body back under the control of my mind again. At some stage I get so out of control that I am no longer somebody I want to have in my life, not even be that person myself. All that keeps me from not giving up on life, is that those meltdowns only happen once in a while at this stage.
A meltdown is a terrible experience, but afterwards a calm feeling descends on me again.
Before I had communication, I had meltdowns more often. Those meltdowns were for different reasons. Now I have so much less things causing me meltdowns.
I have so much more things to overcome still, but I have overcome so much since I can communicate.
My mind is my best ally. I understand its power now better than ever before.
My heart still aches over the lost time we can’t get back.
But our future is now more beautiful than we could have ever dreamed of being.
It took a very long time to get to this point, but it was worth it.
To think that we had to go through so much, to be able to get together.
We had to suffer to realize that we could understand each other, even though our lives are so diverse.
To think we will never go back to a time where no one understands me,
is sometimes still unreal for me.
Thinking that my life has changed so much,
now reminds me of all the other people who are still struggling as much as I did, before we taught me to spell my words on a board. It’s something that hangs around my neck like a millstone.
Thinking that my family’s lives have changed so much,
now reminds me of the families who don’t understand so much about each other yet.
Thinking that my entire future expectation has changed so much.
makes me think of the time I was without any plans and dreams.
Thinking about my whole life, that has changed so much, makes me incredibly grateful.
My body was very frantic for quite some time now. It was so bad that our house suffered. My oversteered body broke a lot of things. My parents were very discouraged. I was disheartened. But we got through it.
We are now back where we were before my body derailed so badly. Now we can tell my friends that, even if your body gets messed up again, don’t despair. Even if it is a struggle to stay positive, it will get better again, even if it sometimes takes a long while. We now see that we can endure it, even if it is hard to do so.
My body is more under control now, but the damage I’ve done still stands like red lights around me. It reminds me all the time that my body is responsible for the mess. It’s not fun, but it also reminds me that we won’t go back to the dark time when no one understood me.
Everyone thought I was doing it willfully when I ruined stuff like that, but now my family knows better. They understand my body is not always in control. Even if we want to forget it, things still often come up that remind us that my body doesn’t do what I want it to do. We must learn to live with these phases in my life. It’s not a nice thing. We do not like these difficult phases. But, knowing that we are not going to resent and insult each other again, makes a huge difference.
Now my body is peaceful again, because the difficult phase is over. The hard times are going to come again, of that I’m dead certain. But now I also know that we will not allow the hard times to steal our joy again.
We have learned from our mistakes.
We have not walked an easy road to get to where we are,
We can’t say we have all the answers now.
We still must ask each other daily to understand why we want to do things a certain way.
My parents didn’t understand me before I could spell, but I didn’t understand them either. I also couldn’t ask them why they do stuff a certain way. My parents also didn’t think about explaining to me what they were doing or why they were doing it. So I didn’t understand that just about everything they do is try to help me.
We understand each other better now because we can talk to each other.
To be understood in this way, makes a huge difference in my life.
My mom and dad are doing so well, because they put in a lot of effort and ask me every time, they don’t understand what’s going on with me. Getting here, where they ask me what’s going on, was also a long and difficult road. I now understand why it was so difficult for them. I see people giving parents advice while not realizing how our non-speakers’ lives work. They tell parents to watch what is happening to try to figure out why their children behave the way they do.
We do not always get overwhelmed by the same stuff. We are not built that way. Just like ordinary people, we can sometimes handle things well that we other times have a hard time dealing with. Sometimes things annoy me, which other times doesn’t bother me at all. Sometimes I think about stuff that upsets or makes me happy. Sometimes I’m tired from too little sleep. Because my mom and dad can’t read my mind, there’s no way they can understand what’s bothering me or making me happy.
Because my body doesn’t show if I’m happy or sad, it’s not possible for them to see if something bothers or makes me happy. Even though they are the very best parents, they cannot understand what is going on me if I do not tell them myself. To expect them to get the answers from what they see is happening around me, is not to help them, but to make them think we understand each other when we completely misunderstand each other. Because, for years, they had been taught to look rather than ask me if I was happy or sad, they thought that most of the time they knew what was going on with me by just looking at my exterior. My parents realized that they were making a mistake by making inferences from what they saw. It has made a huge difference in our lives.
Even though we are now in a better place to understand each other, we are still learning from each other every day. We learn not to make inferences simply on what we see, but to ask each other why we see certain things. Sometimes I think my parents are angry with me, but when we talk about our feelings, I find that sometimes they feel discouraged or powerless about them not being able to help me. If we don’t give each other a chance to talk about how we feel, we misunderstand each other. It’s an important thing we all had to learn. We’ve got the hang of it now.
I’m a lot better now than I was initially at figuring out why I feel the way I feel and putting it into words.
Even though it is now my best that we understand each other so beautifully, we do not forget about the non-speakers who are still trapped in their prisons of silence. My heart aches for you. We will not stop trying to tell the world that you too must be helped.
My hart is nog steeds seer oor die verlore tyd wat ons nie weer kan terug kry nie.
Maar ons toekoms is nou mooier as wat ons nog ooit kon droom om te wees.
Dit het baie lank gevat om tot hier te kom, maar dit was die moeite werd.
Om te dink dat ons so baie moes deur maak, om bymekaar te kon uitkom. Ons moes swaarkry om te kon besef dat ons mekaar kan verstaan, al is ons lewens so uiteenlopend.
Om te dink ons sal nooit weer terug gaan na ‘n tyd waar niemand my verstaan nie, is soms vir my nog onwerklik.
Om te dink dat my lewe so baie verander het, laat my nou dink aan al die ander mense wat nog steeds so sukkel soos wat ek gesukkel het, voor ons my geleer het om my woorde op ‘n bord te spel. Dit is iets wat soos ‘n meulsteen om my nek hang.
Om te dink dat my gesin se lewens so baie verander het, laat my nou dink aan die gesinne wat nog nie so baie verstaan van mekaar nie.
Om te dink dat my hele toekomsverwagting so baie verander het, laat my dink aan die tyd wat ek sonder enige planne en drome was.
Om te dink aan my hele lewe wat so baie verander het, maak my ongelooflik baie dankbaar.
My lyf was nou vir ‘n lang ruk baie woes. Dit was so erg dat ons huis daaronder gely het. My oorstuurde lyf het baie goed gebreek, my ouers was baie moedeloos. Ek was moedeloos. Maar ons het deur dit gekom.
Ons is nou weer waar ons was voor my lyf so lelik ontspoor het. Nou kan ons vir my vriende vertel dat al raak jou lyf weer deurmekaar, moenie moed verloor nie. Al is dit ‘n stryd om positief te bly, dit sal weer beter raak, selfs al vat dit soms ‘n lang ruk. Ons sien nou dat ons dit kan deurstaan al is dit swaar om dit te doen.
My lyf is nou weer meer onder beheer, maar die skade wat ek aangerig het staan nog steeds soos rooi ligte rondom my. Dit herinner my heeltyd daaraan dat my lyf verantwoordelik is vir die gemors. Dit is nie lekker nie, maar dit herinner my ook daaraan dat ons nie weer sal terug gaan na die donker tyd toe niemand my verstaan het nie.
Almal het gedink ek is aspris as ek die goed so verwoes, maar nou weet my gesin van beter. Hulle verstaan my lyf is nie altyd in beheer nie. Al wil ons dit vergeet, kom daar nog gereeld goed wat ons daaraan herinner dat my lyf nie maak wat ek wil hê hy moet maak nie. Ons moet leer om saam te lewe met hierdie fases in my lewe. Dit is nou nie ‘n lekker ding nie. Ons hou nie van hierdie moeilike fases nie. Maar die wete dat ons nie weer mekaar gaan verwyt en beledig nie, maak ‘n reuse verskil.
Nou is my lyf weer mooi rustig, want die moeilike fase is verby. Die moeilike tye gaan weer kom, daarvan is ek doodseker. Maar nou weet ek ook dat ons nie weer die moeilike tye sal toelaat om ons vreugde te steel nie.
Ons het geleer uit ons foute.
Ons het nie ‘n maklike pad gestap nie.
Ons kan nie sê dat ons nou al die antwoorde het nie.
Ons moet nog daagliks vir mekaar vra om te verstaan hoekom ons dinge op ‘n sekere manier wil doen.
My ouers het my nie verstaan voor ek kon spel nie, maar ek het hulle ook nie verstaan nie. Ek kon hulle ook nie vra hoekom hulle goed op ‘n sekere manier doen nie. My ouers het ook nie gedink daaraan om vir my te verduidelik wat hulle doen of hoekom hulle dit doen nie. Ek het daarom nie verstaan dat omtrent alles wat hulle doen is om my te probeer help nie.
Ons verstaan mekaar nou beter omdat ons met mekaar kan praat.
Om so verstaan te word, maak ‘n reuse verskil in my lewe.
My mamma en pappa is so oulik omdat hulle baie moeite doen en my vra elke keer as hulle nie verstaan wat met my aangaan nie. Om tot daar te kom dat hulle myself vra wat aangaan, was ook ‘n lang en moeilike pad. Ek verstaan nou hoekom dit vir hulle so moeilik was. Ek sien hoe mense ouers raad gee oor hulle nie besef hoe ons nie-praters se lewens werk nie. Hulle vertel vir ouers om te kyk na wat gebeur om te probeer uit vind hoekom hul kinders optree soos hulle doen.
Ons is nie so aanmekaar gesit dat ons altyd oorstuur raak van dieselfde goed nie. Net soos gewone mense, kan ons soms goed wat ons partykeer moeilik hanteer, ander kere goed hanteer. Soms irriteer goed my, wat my ander kere glad nie pla nie. Soms dink ek oor goed na wat my ontstel of bly maak. Soms is ek moeg van te min slaap. Omdat my mamma en pappa nie my gedagtes kan lees nie, is daar geen manier hoe hulle kan verstaan wat my pla of bly maak nie.
Omdat my lyf nie wys of ek gelukkig of hartseer is nie, is dit nie vir hulle moontlik om te sien of iets my pla of bly maak nie. Al is hulle die heel beste ouers, kan hulle nie verstaan wat met my gebeur as ek hulle nie self vertel nie. Om te verwag dat hulle die antwoorde moet kry uit dit wat hulle sien om my gebeur, is nie om vir hulle te help nie, maar om hulle te laat dink ons verstaan mekaar terwyl ons mekaar eintlik heeltemal misverstaan. Omdat hulle vir jare lank geleer is om eerder te kyk, as om my te vra of ek bly of hartseer is, het hulle gedink dat hulle meestal weet wat met my aangaan deur net te kyk na my uiterlike. My ouers het besef dat hulle ‘n fout maak deur afleidings te maak uit wat hulle sien. Dit het ‘n groot verskil gemaak in ons lewens.
Al is ons nou op ‘n beter plek om mekaar te verstaan, ons leer nog elke dag van mekaar. Ons leer om nie afleidings te maak bloot op wat ons sien nie, maar om mekaar te vra hoekom ons sekere goed sien. Partykeer dink ek my ouers is kwaad vir my, maar as ons oor ons gevoeloens praat, kom ek agter dat hulle soms moedeloos of magteloos voel oor hulle my nie kan help nie. As ons mekaar nie kans gee om te praat oor hoe ons voel nie, verstaan ons mekaar verkeerd. Dis ‘n belangrike ding wat ons almal moes leer. Ons het dit nou onder die knie.
Ek is nou baie beter, as wat ek aanvanklik was, om uit te pluis hoekom ek voel soos ek voel en dit te verwoord.
Al is dit nou my beste dat ons mekaar so mooi verstaan, vergeet ons nie van die nie-praters wat nog in hul tronke van stilte vasgevang is, nie. My hart is seer oor julle. Ons sal nie ophou probeer om die wêreld te vertel dat julle ook gehelp moet word nie.
*This blog was written by Nicolaas in Afrikaans and translated by mom to English. Scroll down for English version, please. Nicolaas is non-speaking and uses S2C (Spelling to Communicate) to communicate, i.e. spelling his words by tapping letters on a letterboard.
Me wearing my “ears” to tone down auditory input.
Om nie te kan praat nie,
beteken nie dat ek nie hoor wat ander praat nie.
Dit beteken ook nie dat ek nie dink oor goed waarvan ander rondom my praat nie.
Dit beteken beslis ook nie dat ek nie ontsteld raak oor dinge wat ek hoor nie.
Ons moet onthou dat my gehoor beter is as meeste ander mense s’n. Al dra ek my “ore”, hoor ek steeds beter as meeste mense. Al fluister mense, ek hoor dit steeds.
Alles wat ek hoor, is goed wat ek oor dink.
Omdat ek nie so baie praat nie, dink ek oor baie goed na. Om oor goed na te dink, hou my brein besig. Om my brein besig te hou is belangrik vir my omdat dit my help om my lyf te kan beheer omdat as my brein besig is, is my lyf kalmer as gevolg waarvan ek dan my lyf beter kan beheer. Dit is dan tot my eie bes wil om my brein soveel moontlik in te span as wat ek kan.
‘n Besige brein = ‘n kalmer lyf vir my. So, om te dink oor goed is my stokperdjie, want dit help my om te ontspan.
Ongelukkig kan my dinkery weer lei tot ‘n uit beheer lyf. As my kop te besig raak met dink oor goed soos die politiek, of ander goed wat my ontstel, is dit nie goed vir my nie. Ek het al so baie goed oor gedink dat ons ‘n dik boek sal kan skryf as ek dit alles moet vertel.
My gedagtes bly meestal net my eie.
Oor ons so baie kans kry vir dink, is dit onmoontlik om oor alles te kommunikeer, want my dink is baie vinniger as my spel op die borde of skrywery. Nou is dit so dat as ek die slag kans kry om te gesels dat dit vir my die heerlikste ding is om my gedagtes met my gesin te deel. As jy nooit ‘n kans kry om jou gedagtes uit te spreek nie, dan kan jy ook nie ‘n kans kry om te hoor of wat jy gedink het reg of verkeerd is nie.
Ek verstaan soms goed nie soos ander mense nie omdat my lewe so anders is as meeste mense s’n.
Ek raak ook so gewoond daaraan om nie my gedagtes uit te spreek nie, dat ek vergeet dat my gedagtes dalk ook ‘n goeie ding is of selfs ook vir iemand anders kan help. Dit is hoekom dit vir my so baie spesiaal was toe my pappa vir my gesê het dat die opmerking wat ek oor sy stoet ramme gemaak het, hom nou help.
Om my gedagtes te kan deel is ’n groot ding.
Om my gedagtes iets te laat beteken vir ander mense, is ook ‘n groot ding.
In die skool wat ek laas jaar was, was daar kinders wat kan praat, maar nooit iets gesê het nie. Vir hulle wil ek net sê: jou gedagtes is belangrik. As jy dit nie deel met ander nie, is dit jou keuse, ‘n keuse wat my nie beskore is nie omdat ek net kan kommunikeer wanneer my mamma of pappa my help. Omdat jy kan praat, het jy ’n keuse. Jy besef dalk nie hoe baie dit beteken om so ‘n keuse te hê nie, maar dit is baie handig. Vir julle wil ek sê: moenie dat jou keuse om stil te bly jou in die voet skiet nie.
Om jou gedagtes te kan deel is jou kans om jou gedagtes te toets. Oor jy dit kan toets, kan jy nog beter goed uit dink.
As ons nou so aan dit alles dink, is my boodskap net: jou gedagtes tel ook, moenie bang wees om dit uit te spreek nie.
My ideas are also important.
Not being able to talk,
doesn’t mean I don’t hear what others are talking about.
It also doesn’t mean I don’t think about stuff others around me are talking about.
It certainly doesn’t mean I don’t get upset about things I hear either.
We need to remember that my hearing is better than most other people’s. Even though I wear my “ears,” I still hear better than most people. Even though people whisper, I still hear it.
Everything I hear is stuff I think about.
Because I don’t talk that much, I think about a lot of stuff. Thinking about stuff keeps my brain busy. Keeping my brain busy is important to me because it helps me to be able to control my body because when my brain is busy, my body is calmer because of which I can then control my body better. It is therefor, in my own best interest, to exert my brain as much as I can.
A busy brain = a calmer body for me. So, thinking about stuff is my hobby because it helps me relax.
Unfortunately, my thinking can lead to an out of control body again. If my head gets too busy thinking about stuff like politics, or other stuff that upsets me, that’s not good for me. I’ve thought about so much stuff that we’ll be able to write a thick book if I have to tell it all.
For the most part, my thoughts remain just my own.
Because we get so much time for thinking, it’s impossible to communicate about everything, because my thinking is much faster than my spelling on the boards or writing. When I get the chance to chat, sharing my thoughts with my family is the most delightful thing for me. If you never get a chance to express your thoughts, then you also can’t get a chance to hear whether what you thought was right or wrong.
I sometimes don’t understand things like other people because my life is so different from most people’s.
I also get so used to not expressing my thoughts, that I forget that my thoughts might also be a good thing or even help someone else as well. This is why it was so very special to me when my dad told me that the comment, I made about his stud of rams, is now helping him.
To be able to share my thoughts is a big thing.
To be able to help others with my thoughts , is also a big thing.
In the school I was last year, there were kids who could talk but never said anything. To them, I just want to say: your thoughts are important. If you don’t share it with others, it’s your choice, a choice that I do not have because I can only communicate when my mom or dad helps me. Because you can talk, you have a choice. You may not realize how much it means to have such a choice, but it is very useful. To you, I want to say: don’t let your choice to shut up shoot you in the foot.
Being able to share your thoughts is your chance to test your thoughts . Because you can test it, you can think out even better stuff.
Now, when we think about all of this, my message is just – your thoughts count too, don’t be afraid to express it.
my silent voice/ my stil stem 