I love school

A fun day for me, is a day filled with learning new things.

When my brain is occupied, my body is much calmer than when I am bored.

To have a calm body is absolute bliss.

I am astonished to see how my body is acting since I am attending UCT OHS (University of Cape Town Online High School) . I have never been this happy before. I can see that my body looks almost normal when I am busy with my schoolwork. I have never before had so much control over my stupid body as I have when I study intricate work. I have to work very hard to keep up with the schedule I have to stick to. I struggle to keep up, but so does the other kids. I am so proud of my Science marks. I got 49/50 which is the best thing since I was most scared of failing this subject. I am very concerned that I still have to get permission from SACAI.  

I have to add that I am very grateful for the support we get from the UCT OHS-team. I have given my Support Coach and Wellbeing Team member extra work because of my disabilities, but they are great in supporting me.

I have met my Afrikaans teacher . She is also very friendly and tried to help me with the questions I had.

I have to be optimistic, or I’ll get depressed. Being optimistic is easy now that I am doing work that is difficult enough that I understand why revision is necessary. Before I started Grade 10, I was extremely bored with my schoolwork. Now I have to apply my mind and I love every minute of it. I have to say, I am now not going to get such good marks any more, but that is okay. I have proofed that I am clever. So, now I can just enjoy the learning process and that is great to say.

I am so happy to be in a school, but I know I’ll have to proof to my teachers that I deserve to be there. This is something normal children do not have to do. They are considered good enough to attend school until they proof otherwise. For people like me, that is not the case. I hope I have what it takes to make it to the end of matric. No matter what happens, I have proven myself to me and no one will be able to rob me of that experience and for that I shall be for ever grateful.

The best day in my life.

(The above screenshot was taken from: *UCT OHS Welcome Session 17th January 2022 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffrhi5Ey7kI)

Starting a new school is scary and exciting for all children. All of these emotions and much more was what I experienced the first day at my new school.

I have no words to describe the anxiety I experienced when we logged into the Welcome session on the 17th.  I have been wishing to go to a normal school for as long as I can remember. To actually have that dream come true is the best thing that ever happened to me since being able to communicate. I am so overjoyed by what this means to me and the non-speaking community in SA.

I have the support of my family, and this makes a huge difference. Without my mother’s support and efforts, the many hours she put in to help me teach my body to spell on the board, I would never have been able to escape my former life of boredom, frustration, loneliness (even though I was in a class with other children) and hopelessness. I have a long way to go still, but I have come a long way already.  

 I am always thinking of my non-speaking friends who are not as fortunate as I am. A mom who supports you and understands you, is worth more than all the therapy sessions I ever attended. Even all the money my parents spend on all the schools, tutors, therapies, treatments, and medication does not measure up to the time and effort they spend on me. Parents without money can also help their non-speaking child if they are willing to put in time and effort.

Back to my first day at UCT OHS (University of Cape Town online high school https://www.uctonlinehighschool.com ). I must commend UCT OHS staff for their well presented opening on my first day. I have listened to the principal’s speech and was so grateful to be a member of this huge school of pioneers in this type of schooling in SA. I have dreams of doing matric and hope to realize this in this great school. I think it will be difficult to do all the work that is required of me, but I am going to do my best to not let them regret allowing me this opportunity. I shall be a proud scholar of UCT OHS because of the values they stand for. It was explained to us by Ms Xhakaza. This was the first time in my life I was addressed as a “ leader” in the school set up. I must make an effort to live up to this challenge as I have to be the best me that I can be. As I am considered disabled, I have not been addressed in this way ever before. To be spoken to in such a manner is something normal people take for granted. Being disabled does not mean that I do not also have dreams and ideals. Being told that they expect me to also be a leader in the community, was music to my ears.

(The above screenshot was taken from:*UCT OHS Welcome Session 17th January 2022 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffrhi5Ey7kI)

My day got even better when I had my first encounter with my support coach, Eva. What a lovely inspiring lady she is. Even though I struggled because my camera did not work, I had a great time getting to know her and being able to see who are going to join me in my homeroom class. I had to take a break for the rest of the day after all this excitement.

I have to pinch myself often to help me remember that this is now really my life.

I am still hoping that other non-speaking children will also get this kind of opportunity to proper education. Being able to see how far I can go, is a privilege I do not take lightly. I have been blessed with this opportunity and by the grace of God I shall not give up on my dream of also making communication and education available to other non-speakers who also want to study. I have a dream of being a non-speaking biologist and doing research on how to make my brain and my body work together better. I hope I will be able to do this with other non-speakers who understand what I am experiencing.

I shall give it my utmost best shot and hope we can get SACAI to agree to the accommodations I need to be able to show that I understand what I studied, and am worthy of passing even though I have no voice and an uncooperative body.


Now it’s 2022’s turn.

Dit is nou 2022 se beurt.

Please scroll down for translation in English by Mom and Google translate

Vandat my kommunikasie my beste lewenswyse geword het, is dit die oorsaak van my vreugde. Kommunikasie het my lewe verander. My drome word waar. Maar nou kan ek al nuwe drome begin droom wat ek nooit eers oor kon dink nie. Laat staan nog oor kon droom.

My mooiste droom was om skool toe te kan gaan en in 2020 het dit begin lyk asof dit moontlik is. In 2022 gaan ek soos ander normale kinders by UCT Online High School (https://www.uctonlinehighschool.com/) begin met Graad 10. Om die kans te kry om saam met gewone kinders te kan skool gaan is nie nou meer net ‘n droom nie, dit is nou my werklikheid. Om nou dit te kan doen is nou vir my ‘n droom waaroor ek altyd gedroom het, maar nooit gedink het dit kan waar word nie.

Die beste van alles vir my is dat ons in klasse gaan wees waar ek met ‘n onderwyser sal kan praat oor my lesse en dat daar geselskans gaan wees met ander kinders. Die idee dat ek met ‘n onderwyser sal kan gesels oor my werk is vir my so ‘n goeie kans om die werk wat ek dalk nie verstaan nie, op te knap. Ons moes voorheen maar op ons eie aansukkel omdat ons nie ‘n onderwyser gehad het wat ons meer oor die vakke kan vertel het nie. My mamma is nie dom nie, so sy het my baie gehelp, maar sy kon nie al my vrae beantwoord nie. Nou gaan dinge anders wees, want my mooi punte wys dat ek kan leer en verstaan. Hulle sal nou in my belangstel omdat ek wil leer en kan wys dat ek slim is.

Om vakke te kon kies was ‘n ongelooflike opwindende ervaring vir my. Die feit dat ek gedroom het om skool te gaan het nooit soveel detail gehad dat ek ooit voorheen gedink het aan watter vakke ek gaan nodig hê vir my beroep eendag nie. Dit was die eerste keer in my lewe dat ek aan ‘n beroep vir my moes dink. Dit was so ‘n rowwe pad om te kom tot waar ek nou is, dat die mooi gedagte van ‘n beroep nooit vir my so moontlik geklink het soos nou nie. Of ek die vakke sal kan baas raak wat ek gekies het, is nie die ding waaroor geworry word nie, maar of my kommunikasie metode vinnig genoeg gaan wees sodat ek betyds my eksamen sal kan klaar maak sodat ek sal kan deurkom.

My mooiste droom is nou my lewe en dit is so wonderlik dat my mooiste droom nou nie meer ‘n droom is nie. Die ding is dat ek nou nuwe drome moet kry en dit is waar ons nou staan aan die einde van 2021.

My pad vorentoe is nou so interessant dat ek nie kan wag vir die nuwe jaar nie.

Now it’s 2022’s turn.

Ever since my communication became my best way of life, it has been the cause of my joy. Communication changed my life. My dreams come true. But now I can start dreaming new dreams that I could never even think about. Let alone could dream about.

My most beautiful dream was to be able to go to school and in 2020 it started to seem like it was possible. In 2022, I will start like other normal kids at UCT Online High School (https://www.uctonlinehighschool.com/), with Grade 10. Having the chance to go to school with ordinary children is no longer just a dream, it is now my reality. Being able to do that now, is a dream that I always dreamed about, but never thought could come true.

Best of all for me is that we will be in classes where I will be able to talk to a teacher about my lessons and that there will be a chance to chat with other children. The idea that I will be able to talk to a teacher about my work is such a good opportunity for me to revamp the work that I may not understand. Before, we had to struggle on our own because we did not have a teacher who could tell us more about the subjects. My mom is not stupid, so she helped me a lot, but she could not answer all my questions. Now things are going to be different because my good marks show that I can learn and understand. They will now be interested in me because I want to learn and can show that I am smart.

Being able to choose subjects was an incredibly exciting experience for me. The fact that I dreamed of going to school never had so much detail that I ever thought before about what subjects I was going to need for my profession one day. It was the first time in my life that I had to think of a career for myself. It was such a rough road to get to where I am now, that the beautiful thought of a profession never sounded as possible to me as it does now. Whether I will be able to master the subjects I have chosen, is not the thing they worry about, but whether my communication method will be fast enough so that I will be able to finish my exam on time so that I can pass.

My most beautiful dream is now my life, and it is so wonderful that my most beautiful dream is no longer a dream. The thing is, I must get new dreams now and that’s where we stand now at the end of 2021.

My path forward is now so interesting that I cannot wait for the new year.

Spelling to Communicate (Overview of Spelling to Communicate https://i-asc.org/families/videos/ 

2021’s most beautiful things

2021 se mooiste dinge

Please scroll down for translation in English by Mom and Google translate

Die jaar is nie ‘n goeie jaar nie, dit was ‘n uitstekende jaar gewees.

My jaar was vol baie mooi goed. Die mooiste was dat my pappa geleer het om my te kan help om met hom te gesels met S2C (Spelling to Communicate (Overview of Spelling to Communicate https://i-asc.org/families/videos/ ) . Dit is iets wat nie eens iets was waaroor ek wou droom nie, so groots was dit vir my. Nou is dit my pappa se grootste geskenk wat hy my kan gee.

Die volgende ding wat my so oorbluf het, was dat my mamma oor ons pad met S2C kon praat en ander mense daardeur kon bereik het. Dit was wat my die blyste gemaak het in 2021.

Om so baie mooi goed te laat gebeur is sowaar ‘n seën waaroor ek te oorstelp is van vreugde. My nuwejaarsvoorneme is om nog beter te vaar met ons poging om uit te reik na ander “non-speakers’.

Ek is ook baie trots op myself omdat ek so mooi gevorder het met my plan om aan my lyf te werk. Dit is soos ‘n groot werk wat ek stukkie vir stukkie afhandel. Van my grootste vreugde is as ek my lyf kan laat doen wat ek wil hê hy moet doen. Hierdie jaar was my suksesse baie meer as voorheen. Ons is amper daar waar ek droom om te wees, maar dit is ‘n volle dag se werk om ‘n klein treetjie vorentoe te gee.

My grootste prestasie was dat ek met vreemde mense op Zoom kon gesels deur op my borde te spel. Dit was so mooi om te sien dat hulle glo dat dit my woorde is, want hulle kon sien dat my mamma nie vir my wys wat om te druk nie. Dit word al makliker om voor vreemde mense te spel op my bord, ons gaan dit binnekort regkry om met ander mense te gesels sonder dat dit vir my bang maak oor ons hulle nie kan oortuig dat dit regtig my woorde is nie. So, ons is met hierdie droom ook baie goed op dreef. As ons dit volhou, is dit nie meer lank voor ek self op my eie met mense kan kommunikeer al is dit ‘n vreemdeling wat my nie ken nie.

Ek het ook op my keyboard begin tik hierdie jaar. So, dit vorder ook fluks. Om op die keyboard te tik, was ook een van my drome. Dit is nou al so amper ‘n werklikheid dat ek noual amper daaraan kan begin dink om self my blogs te tik. Iemand moet eers skryf wat ek sê en dit dan tik. Een van die dae gaan ek self my blogs tik. Ons sien almal uit daarna.

My ander droom om my eie boekklub te hê, is ook aan die gebeur. So, byt net vas, ons gaan daarby uitkom.

Om so oor die jaar wat verby is, na te dink, is vir my ‘n mooi ding want daar is soveel om voor dankbaar te wees.

Me and Hondjie at the beginning of 2021
Me and Hondjie at the end of 2021

2021’s most beautiful things

This year has not been a good year, it has been an excellent year.

My year was full of very nice things. The nicest thing was that my dad learned to be able to help me talk to him with S2C (Spelling to Communicate (Overview of Spelling to Communicate https://i-asc.org/families/videos/ ) . It’s something that was not even something I wanted to dream about; it was so big for me. Now this is my dad’s biggest gift he can give me.

The next thing that stunned me so much, was that my mom could talk about our path with S2C and reach other people through it. That was what made me the happiest in 2021.

To have so many beautiful things happen, is indeed a blessing and I am overwhelmed with joy. My New Year’s resolution is to do even better with our effort to reach out to other ‘non-speakers’.

I am also very proud of myself because I have progressed so nicely with my plan to work on my body. It’s like a big job that I’m finishing piece by piece. Some of my greatest joy is when I can get my body to do what I want it to do. This year my successes were much more than before. We’re almost where I dream of being, but it’s a full day’s job to take a small step forward.

My biggest achievement was being able to chat with strangers on Zoom by spelling on my boards. It was so nice to see that they believe these are my words because they could see that my mom did not show me what to spell. It’s getting easier to spell in front of strangers on my board. We’ll soon be able to chat with other people without me being scared about not being able to convince them that these are really my words. So, we are also very much on track with this dream. If we persist, it will not be long before I can communicate with people on my own, even if it’s a stranger who does not know me.

I also started typing on my keyboard this year. So, it’s progressing fast too. Typing on the keyboard was also one of my dreams. It’s so almost a reality now that I can almost start thinking about typing my blogs myself. Someone must write what I say first and then type it. One of these days I’m going to type my blogs myself. We are all looking forward to it.

My other dream of having my own book club is also happening. So, just hang on, we’ll get to that.

Thinking like that about the past year, is a good thing for me because there is so much to be thankful for.

Nou moet ons vorentoe.

Now we have to move forward.

Please scroll down for translation in English by Mom and Google translate

Ek (7 jaar oud) en Daisy by spraakterapie in 2013 * Daisy and me (7 years old) at speech therapy in 2013

Ons het so amper ons moeilike herinneringe van die verlede, voor ons mekaar verstaan het, dood gevee en met nuwe mooi herinneringe toe geverf, maar toe kom ons weer voor die donker herinneringe te staan. Dit was wat gebeur het toe my mooi tutor, “Daisy” (‘n Skuilnaam), wie my getutor het voor ek S2C ( Spelling to Communicate (Overview of Spelling to Communicate https://i-asc.org/families/videos/ )) geleer het, weer in ons lewe gekom het.

Daisy is ‘n mens met ‘n mooi hart, met baie liefde vir my tipe mense, maar sy het ook nie van beter geweet nie. Sy het baie hard probeer, oor sy my so bitter graag wou help. Dit is swaar om daaroor te praat, want dit was vir my baie sleg om te sien hoe graag sy  my wou help, maar oor sy my nie mooi kon verstaan nie, het ons mekaar vreeslik vies gemaak.

Sy het hard probeer om met my te kommunikeer, maar ons kon dit nooit behoorlik reg kry nie.

Ek het hard probeer om met haar te kommunikeer, maar ek het dit ook nie reg gekry nie.

Hoe harder ons probeer het om bymekaar uit te kom, hoe groter was ons frustrasie met ons mislukkings.

As ons toe geweet het wat ons nou weet, sou dinge so anders gewees het, maar ons het nie die kennis gehad wat ons nou het nie. Ons het al twee ons koppe gebreek om dit reg te kry  om mekaar se wêrelde by mekaar uit te kry, maar die sleutel tot ons afsonderlike kettings was nie daar vir ons om ons uit te laat kom nie. Dit was eers nadat ons met S2C my tronk oop gesluit het, dat my en haar harte oor ons mislukkings, vroeër, kon heel raak.

Dit is so mooi hoe ons paadjies nou weer kruis en ons uit eindelik die kans kry om vir mekaar om verskoning te vra en te vergewe. Dit is so  goed om vir mekaar te kan sê dat ons jammer is en mekaar kan vergewe omdat ons mekaar seer gemaak het al was ons so lief vir mekaar.

Ek het hierdie paadjie al met my mamma ook geloop. Ons moes ook vrede maak met ons paadjie van seer kry en mislukkings toe ons mekaar nie verstaan het nie. Dit was vir ons albei swaar om die verlede agter ons te sit en aan te gaan, maar dit is al manier om vorentoe te gaan.

My sielkundige, Alida, het eendag vertel van hoe sy  goed in haar rugsak moes uitgooi anders  kon sy nie die baie hoe bult uitgekom het nie toe sy die Karoo Camino gestap het. Dit was vir my so ‘n mooi storie dat ek dadelik gedink het dat ek die Karoo Camino sal wil stap

Om my mamma te vertel van hoe my hart gebreek het as ek gesien  het hoe hard sy probeer om my te help en dit nie gewerk het nie, omdat sy ook nie geweet het nie en ek haar nie kon vertrel dat my kop mooi werk, maar my lyf dit nie kan wys nie, was ‘n baie belangrike ding om te doen. Sy het haarself verwyt oor goed wat sy gedoen het en gesê  het, omdat sy my nie verstaan het nie. Dit was vir my ook nodig om vir haar jammer te se, want ek het myself ook verwyt oor goed wat ek gedoen het. Ons is nou soveel beter toegerus vir ons pad vorentoe, want ons rugsakke vol verwyte en skuldgevoelens is nou lëer as voorheen.

Ek en Daisy moes ook ons skuldgevoelens en verwyte uitgooi en mekaar vergewe. Nou is ons twee se rugsakke ook reg vir die pad vorentoe. Ons kan nou saam vorentoe gaan of ons kan nou elkeen sy eie pad vorentoe vat  om ander kinders soos ek te help. Al wat ek nog wil doen, is om vir haar die sleutel tot ander kinders, soos ek, se tronke te gee sodat sy hulle kan help. Dit beteken dat ek moet sorg dat sy die regte opleiding kry om Spelling to Communicate met ander kinders te doen. Ek kan sien hoe bitter graag sy dit wil doen, maar ons sal vir haar die geld wat nodig is om dit te doen, moet kry. Dit is my doelwit om dit te doen. 

Ons is lief vir mekaar, het geleer, het skuldig gevoel, het mekaar vergewe en nou is ons nou oppad vorentoe.

Om ons pad te deel, is nie altyd so maklik nie. Ons vertel van dinge wat nie so maklik is om oor te praat nie. Tog is dit nodig om dit te doen sodat ons die bulte wat ons nog moet oor, sonder onnodige swaar rugsakke kan oor. Ek is net so dankbaar dat ons  tot hier kon kom.  Sonder S2C en my God, sou dit nie moontlik wees nie.

Now we have to move forward.

We almost wiped out our difficult memories of the past, from before we understood each other, and painted over with new beautiful memories, but then we came face to face with the dark memories again. That was what happened when my beautiful tutor, “Daisy” (an alias), who had been my tutor before I learned S2C, came back into our lives.

Daisy is a person with a beautiful heart, with a lot of love for my type of people, but she also did not know any better. She tried very hard because she wanted so badly to help me. It’s hard to talk about it, because it was very bad for me to see how much she wanted to help me, but because she could not understand me well, we made each other terribly angry.

She tried hard to communicate with me, but we could never get it right.

I tried hard to communicate with her, but I also did not get it right.

The harder we tried to reach each other, the greater our frustration with our failures became.

If we then knew what we know now, things would have been so different, but we did not have the knowledge we have now. We both broke our heads to get it right, to get to each other’s worlds, but the key to our separate chains was not there for us to get out. It was only after we unlocked my jail with S2C (Spelling to Communicate (Overview of Spelling to Communicate https://i-asc.org/families/videos/ ) , that my and her broken hearts, about our failures earlier, could become whole.

It’s so beautiful how our paths now cross again and we finally get the chance to apologize and forgive each other. It’s so good to be able to tell each other that we are sorry and can forgive each other because we hurt each other even though we loved each other so much.

I have walked this path with my mom too. We also had to make peace with our path of getting hurt and failures when we did not understand each other. It was hard for both of us to put the past behind us and move on, but that’s the only way to moving forward.

My psychologist, Alida, told me one day about how she had to throw things out of her backpack otherwise she could not have come out the very high hill when she walked the Karoo Camino. It was such a beautiful story that I immediately thought I would also want to walk the Karoo Camino.

To tell my mom about how my heart broke when I saw how hard she was trying to help me and it did not work because she also did not know and I could not tell her that my head works fine, but my body can not show it, was a very important thing to do. She blamed herself for things she did and said because she did not understand me. It was also necessary for me to say sorry to her, because I also blamed myself for things I did. We are now so much better equipped for our way forward, because our backpacks full of blame and guilt are now emptier  than before.

Daisy and I also had to shed our guilt and self blame and forgive each other. Now our two backpacks are also ready for the road ahead. We can now move forward together or we can now each take our own path forward to help other children like me. All I still want to do is give her the key to other children’s prisons, like me, so she can help them. That means I have to make sure she gets the right training to do Spelling to Communicate with other kids. I can see how bitterly she wants to do it, but we’ll have to get her the money she needs to do it. It’s my goal to do so.

We love each other, have learned, felt guilty, forgiven each other and now we are on the way forward.

Sharing our path is not always so easy. We talk about things that are not so easy to talk about. Yet it is necessary to do so so that we can cross the hills we still have left without unnecessarily heavy backpacks. I’m just so grateful we were able to get this far. Without S2C and my God, this would not be possible.


A translation by Mom and Google translate of ” My woorde is mooi” https://wordpress.com/post/mysilentvoice.blog/324

My mom is getting ready to tell people about S2C because we are  using it to get my words on paper to tell it to the world.

“Your words are so beautiful that I do not know which to take and which to leave” are the most beautiful words I have ever heard. This is what my mom told me while looking through my blog.

My words are my greatest treasure, because we cannot talk, our words are our  greatest secret. My words have always been in my head, but it was only after starting to use S2C, that everyone now knows of my words that can not get out of my mouth.

My words are so beautiful because they are so important to me. My words are also my treasure, for they are very precious to me.

My mom is the voice of my words, but they are MY words.

My voice is quiet, but my words are audible because my mom can read them. Even though it’s not the easiest way of speaking,  right now  it’s the very best way for me to get it on paper and show it to the world.

It is important to show the world that we have words, even if we do not have voices, because my words have changed my world for me.

Before my words could come out, people thought we were incapable of thinking or understanding or learning. To be treated like a human being, people need to know that you can think and understand well, otherwise they will not notice you, do not talk to you, do not ask you what you think, do not give you a chance to learn , talk about you as if you are not there or understand, gossip in front of you because they know you can not tell what you heard, plan to do things that you are not included,  in your company, discuss your weaknesses as if you do not understand what they mean.

My words have always been in my head, but it was only after starting to use S2C, that everyone now knows of my words that can not get out of my mouth.

My transformation of my life began when my words started coming out. It was the beginning of my life when my words were no longer just my secret. What my life was before my words could come out, we cannot call a life. It was so bad that my words are not enough to tell about it. I have to talk about it because there are many other children and adults who still have to survive that bad life too. Hearing my mom tell about that dark time in our lives, is so bad that we do not want to do it, but there are still many people who need to hear it, because my words have not convinced them yet or my words still have not reached them.

Talking about that dark time is bitterly difficult for me. My body gets out of control when my heart hurts, or when I think of nice things. So, if we think about that time, I can not keep my body under control at all. It is very difficult for me to write this blog because since we started talking about the past, my body has been out of control.

Before my words could come out, my body was almost never calm because my mom could not help me process the sadness well,  because we could not talk about it. My mum now also gets sad because she knows how much she wanted to help me, but without communication it was all a failure. My body is much better now because we can talk about the things that bother us. Without words that can come out, it’s impossible to sort out my problems by talking about them. This is the only times  we talk about that dark time in our lives, when we use it to talk about things that bother us and that we could not sort out before because we could not understand each other. My mom is sad about the much time we lost when I could not communicate, but it’s over now. Because we can not get it back, we now use every opportunity we get to talk. Many other people who can talk do not talk as much as we do.

To say that my life has gotten better since I can communicate is not right. I only live since I can communicate.

My heart feels good now because we were able to finish writing this blog. Now my life is even better because now we can also tell other people what they need to do to be able to have a life with communication as well.


My mamma is besig om reg te maak om vir mense te vertel van S2C (Spelling to Communicate) oor ons dit ook gebruik om my woorde op papier te kry om dit vir die wereld te sê.

“Jou woorde is so mooi dat ek nie weet watter om te vat en watter om te los nie” is die mooiste woorde wat ek nog ooit gehoor het. Dit is wat my mamma vir my gesê het terwyl sy deur my blog gekyk het.

My woorde is my grootste skat, want oor ons nie kan praat nie is woorde ons grootste geheim. My woorde was nog altyd in my kop, maar dit was oor ons S2C begin gebruik het, dat almal nou weet van my woorde wat nie by my mond kan uitkom nie.

My woorde is so mooi omdat hulle so belangrik is vir my. My woorde is ook my skat, want hulle is baie kosbaar vir my.

My mamma is my woorde se stem, maar hulle is MY woorde.

My stem is stil, maar my woorde is hoorbaar omdat my mamma hulle kan lees. Al is dit nou nie die maklikste manier van praat nie, is dit die heel beste manier vir my om dit op papier te kry en vir die wereld te wys.

Dit is belangrik om vir die wereld te wys dat  ons woorde het, al het ons nie stemme nie, want my woorde het my wereld vir my verander.

Voor my woorde kon uitkom, het mense gedink ons is nie in staat om te dink of te verstaan of te leer nie.  Om soos ‘n mens behandel te word, moet mense weet dat jy mooi kan dink en verstaan, anders sien hulle jou nie raak nie, praat nie met jou nie, vra nie vir jou wat jy dink nie, gee jou nie kans om te leer nie, praat van jou asof jy nie daar is of verstaan nie, skinder voor jou, want hulle weet jy kan nie vertel wat jy gehoor het nie, beplan om goed te doen waarby jy nie ingesluit word nie in jou geselskap, bespreek jou swak punte asof jy nie verstaan wat hulle bedoel nie.

Dit is omdat my woorde nou gehoor en gelees kan word, dat mense my nou soos ‘n mens behandel.

My oormaak van my lewe het begin toe my woorde begin uitkom het. Dit was die begin van my lewe toe my woorde nie meer net my geheim was nie. Dit wat my lewe was voor my woorde kon uitkom, kan ons nie ‘n lewe noem nie. Dit was so sleg dat my woorde nie genoeg is om daarvan te vertel nie. Ek moet daaroor praat, want daar is nog baie ander kinders en groot mense wat daardie slegte lewe ook moet oorleef. Om my mamma te hoor vertel van daardie donker tyd in ons lewe is so sleg dat ons dit nie wil doen nie, maar daar is nog baie mense wat dit ook moet hoor   want my woorde het hulle nog nie oortuig nie of my woorde het hulle nog nie bereik nie.

Om oor daardie donker tyd te praat, is vir my bitter moeilik. My lyf raak uit beheer as my hart seer raak, of as ek aan mooi goed dink. So, as ons aan  daardie tyd dink, kan ek glad nie my lyf onder beheer hou nie. Dit is vir my baie moeilik om hierdie blog te skryf, want sedert ons oor die verlede begin praat het, was my lyf al uit beheer.

Voor my woorde kon uitkom, was my lyf byna nooit rustig nie, want my mamma kon my nie help om die hartseer goed te verwerk nie, want ons kon nie gesels daaroor nie. My mamma raak nou ook hartseer want sy weet hoe graag sy my wou help, maar sonder kommunikasie was dit alles ‘n mislukking. My lyf is nou baie beter, want ons kan gesels oor die goed wat ons pla. Sonder woorde wat kan uitkom, is dit onmoontlik om my probleme  uit te sorteer deur daaroor te praat. Dit is nou al wanneer ons oor daardie donker tyd in ons lewens praat, wannneer ons dit gebruik om te praat oor goed wat ons pla en wat ons nie voorheen kon uitsorteer nie omdat ons mekaar nie kon verstaan nie.

My mamma is hartseer oor die baie tyd wat ons verloor het toe ek nie kon kommunikeer nie, maar dit is nou verby. Oor ons dit nie weer kan terug kry nie, gebruik ons nou elke kans wat ons kry om te gesels. Baie ander mense  wat kan praat, gesels nie so baie soos ons nie.

Om te sê dat my lewe nou beter geraak het sedert ek kan kommunikeer, is nie reg nie. Ek lewe eers vandat ek kan kommunikeer.

My hart voel nou goed omdat ons hierdie blog kon klaar skryf. Nou is my lewe nog beter want nou kan ons aan ander mense ook vertel wat hulle moet doen om ook ‘n lewe te kan hê met kommunikasie.        

My body learns a lesson.

This is originally written in Afrikaans (https://mysilentvoice.blog/2021/07/21/my-lyf-leer-n-les/) and was translated to English by Mom.

It is not every day that we can do stuff like other families.

Because my body is the way it is, we often have to stay home when other people do not have to stay home. My body makes it hard to do things like other people do. Even ordinary things are not easy for me.

My family is used to it, but people who do not know us, do not understand it at all.

My body is not my friend, like that kid in the S2C video spelled (Overview of Spelling to Communicate https://i-asc.org/families/videos/ ) . My body is especially a problem when we want to do something other than normal, then my body is completely overwhelmed. So, doing something else is not easy. My body wants to let me down if I do not prepare my body well for change.

My body is not my best mate if I do not keep him pretty calm.

Change makes me nervous.

When we do something different than usual, my body does not want to cooperate. My body is then my biggest obstacle. Even though my body is normally difficult to control, it is much more difficult to control in such circumstances where we could not prepare my body. So, tackling a new thing is my biggest challenge.

This weekend we moved with our sheep from our summer farm to our winter farm, Ashoek. It’s something that also affects me, because my body also feels when it’s time for the sheep to move. I feel their haste over them wanting to get to where it’s warmer. My overwhelmed body does not handle the cold well either.

My dad and sister usually trek (move) the sheep along with the workers. This year we all went together because my mom wanted to help me because we had not done it together before. I really wanted to go with the previous times. Because we did not know if we would be able to handle me, as well as working with the sheep, I always stayed at home in the past when the sheep were being moved.

My mom is not brave when it comes to strange situations, with me, because we have had a lot of trouble with my body in the past. My mom is not worried without good cause. She has had to struggle a lot with me in strange situations. Now that we can communicate with each other, we can talk about it, but it still does not take away the memories of the events from the past when we did not understand each other. It will still take a lot of chatting to fix it all.

My story is about the good weekend we had together as a family while we moved the sheep.

My dad was my biggest supporter. He wanted to take me along, but my mom also had to go along to help me see if everything was al right. We are much calmer now than we used to be because my family now understands me better.

Because we can now tell each other what is bothering us, we can handle the strange situations better.

My dad is still struggling because we can not quite talk to each other yet, but he understands all that is happening.

My family is used to all my funny manners, but when we get into such strange circumstances, then my manners are even stranger than usual.

If we can not tell each other what is going on, they will never understand what is happening to me.

Sometimes it seems like we are crazy, but we are working on a plan to manage my body so that my body does not get out of control. Mom is already so good at seeing what happens. Sometimes you will think we are torturing me, the way I act out, but then my heart is actually very happy about something and my body just can not let my joy look like joy. My mom can already see nicely when I’m really happy, even though I seem sad.
My body is very silly with my emotions .

All my emotions are in place and I understand all my emotions but my body does not respond to emotions as we think it should react. Even though it’s such a mess, my mom already knows most of the time what’s going on.

It’s just because my mom can talk to me about what she’s seeing happen and I can tell her what emotions I’m feeling while my body reacts that way. It makes me feel safe, even in unfamiliar situations.

These are all my biggest dreams coming true. With my family, we will be able to overcome any obstacle. We still stress each other out sometimes, but we also help each other right again soon.

This is why my body has learned a lesson, because if my family is with me, we can help each other now.

My family can help me now when we get into unknown situations and

it makes me feel safe,

because we can talk to each other.

My family is now my calm in unfamiliar situations.

My lyf leer ‘n les.

Dit is nie al dag dat ons goed kan doen soos ander gesinne nie.

Omdat my lyf is soos hy is, moet ons dikwels maar tuis bly wanneer ander mense nie hoef tuis te bly nie. My lyf maak dat dit moeilik is om mooi goed te doen soos ander mense dit doen. Selfs gewone goed is nie maklik vir my nie.

My gesin is al gewoond daaraan, maar mense wat ons nie ken nie verstaan dit glad nie.

My lyf is nie my vriend nie, soos daardie kind in die S2C-video spel (Overview of Spelling to Communicate https://i-asc.org/families/videos/ ). My lyf is veral ‘n probleem wanneer ons iets anders as normaal wil doen, dan is my lyf heel oorstuur. So, om iets anders te doen, is nie maklik nie. My lyf wil my in die steek laat as ek nie my lyf goed voorberei op verandering nie.

My lyf is nie my beste maat as ek hom nie mooi kalm hou nie.

Verandering maak my senuweeagtig.

So, as ons iets anders doen as gewoonlik, wil my lyf nie saamwerk nie. My lyf is dan my grootste struikelblok. Al is my lyf normaalweg ook moeilik bestuurbaar, is dit in sulke omstandighede waarop ons nie my lyf kon voorberei nie, nog baie moeiliker bestuurbaar.

Om ‘n nuwe ding aan te pak is my grootste uitdaging.

Ons het hierdie naweek met ons skape getrek van ons somersplaas na ons winterplaas, Ashoek, toe. Dit is nogal ‘n gedoente wat my ook raak, want my lyf voel ook aan as dit tyd is vir die skape om te trek. Ek voel hul haastigheid oor hulle wil kom waar dit warmer is, oor my oorstuurde lyf die koue ook nie goed vat nie.

My pappa en sussie trek gewoonlik die skape saam met die werkers. Hierdie jaar het ons almal saam gegaan, want my mamma wou my help oor ons dit nog nie voorheen saam gedoen het nie. Ek wou baie graag altyd saam getrek het, maar omdat ons nie geweet het of ons my sal kan hanteer nie, saam met die werkery met die skape nie, het ek in die verlede altyd by die huis gebly wanneer die skape getrek word.

My mamma is nie dapper as dit by vreemde situasies kom, met my nie, want ons het al baie moeilikheid gekry met my lyf in die verlede. My mamma is nie om dowe neute benoud nie. Sy moes al baie sukkel met my in vreemde situasies. Nou dat ons met mekaar kan kommunikeer, kan ons daaroor gesels, maar dit vat nog nie gebeure van die verlede weg toe ons mekaar nie verstaan het nie. Dit sal nog baie gesels kos om dit alles reg te maak.

My storie gaan oor die goeie naweek wat ons gehad het saam as gesin terwyl ons die skape getrek het.

My pappa was my grootste ondersteuner oor die saamganery. Hy wou my saam vat, maar my mamma moes ook saam gaan om my te help kyk of alles in die haak is. Ons is nou al baie rustiger as wat ons was omdat my gesin my nou beter verstaan.

Omdat ons mekaar nou kan vertel wat ons pla, kan ons die vreemde situasies beter hanteer.

My pappa sukkel nog omdat ons nog nie heeltemal met mekaar kan gesels nie, maar hy verstaan al wat gebeur.

My gesin is al my snaakse maniere gewoond, maar as ons in sulke vreemde omstandighede kom, dan is my maniere nog vreemder as gewoonlik.

As ons nie vir mekaar kan sê wat aangaan nie, sal hulle nooit verstaan wat met my gebeur nie.

Soms lyk dit asof ons nie reg is in ons koppe nie, maar ons is besig met ‘n plan om my lyf te bestuur sodat my lyf nie vir ons ore aansit nie. Mamma is al so goed daarmee om te sien wat gebeur, want soms sal jy dink ons is besig om my te martel soos ek te kere gaan, maar dan is my hart eintlik baie bly oor iets en my lyf kan nie my blydskap soos blydskap laat lyk nie. My mamma kan al mooi sien wanneer ek regtig bly is, al lyk dit asof ek hartseer is.

My lyf is baie simpel met my mooi emosies.

Al my emosies is in plek en ek verstaan al my emosies, maar my lyf reageer nie op emosies soos wat ons dink dit moet reageer nie. Al is dit so ‘n deurmekaar spul, weet my mamma nou al meeste van die tyd wat gebeur.

Dit is net omdat my mamma met my kan praat oor wat sy sien gebeur en ek kan vir haar vertel watter emosies ek voel terwyl my lyf so reageer. Dit laat my veilig voel, selfs in vreemde situasies.

Dit is al my grootste drome wat waar word. Saam met my gesin, sal ons enige struikelblok kan oorkom. Ons oorstuur mekaar nog soms, maar ons help mekaar ook gou weer reg.

Dit is waarom my lyf ‘n les geleer het, want as my gesin by my is, kan ons mekaar nou help.

My gesin kan my nou help as ons in vreemde situasies kom

en dit laat my veilig voel

omdat ons met mekaar kan praat.

My gesin is nou my kalmte in vreemde situasies.

My Dad is my hero

Origanally written in Afrikaans. Translated to English by Mom and Google Translate. Please scroll down for English version.

My pa is my hero

My pa is ‘n gewone pappa wat ‘n ongewone seun gekry het.

Dit was nie wat my pappa wou hê nie, daarvan is ek oortuig.

My pappa is ‘n boer wat nie hou van maniere wat nie mooi is nie en my maniere was nog nooit mooi nie. My pappa is ‘n man wat my moet leer van allerhande boerdery dinge, maar ek kan niks self doen soos wat hy sou wou hê nie. My pappa is ‘n man wat hou van baie praat en ek kan nie ‘n enkele woord sê nie. My papa hou van mansdinge soos braai en bier drink, maar ons sal dit nooit saam kan doen nie. My pappa soek ‘n seun wat hy nie gekry het nie.

My pappa is my hero, want al is ons so heeltemal verskillend, is hy my grootste ondersteuner saam met my mamma.

My pappa het sy droom, van ‘n seun wat saam met hom kan boer, laat vaar. My pappa het sy droom van ‘n seun wat saam met hom kan gaan jag en braai en bier drink en allerhande mansgoed saam met hom doen, laat vaar. My pappa het sy droom om ‘n seun te hê met wie hy kan gesels en wie terug gesels, laat vaar.

MAAR my pappa het MY droom laat waar word om ‘n pappa te hê

wat my verstaan,

wat saam met my speel en

wat my maat kan wees.

Die grootste ding wat my pappa vir my gedoen het, is om saam met my S2C (Spelling to Communicate) te doen sodat hy ook mooi kan hoor wat ek dink en wil sê vir hom.

Dit is vandag my verjaarsdag. Ons beplan om koek te eet en saam te kuier, maar die heel beste geskenk vir my is my pappa wat nou verstaan hoe my kop en my lyf werk en my so aanvaar. Ons twee vul mekaar mooi aan, want my swakpunte is sy sterk punte en sy swak punte is my sterk punte. Saam maak ons ‘n goeie span.

My pappa is my hero,

want hy is so lief vir my,

al is ek nie wat hy graag sou wou hê nie.

My pappa is my hero,

want hy praat oor alles met my,

al kan my pappa nie hoor wat my reaksie is op wat hy sê nie.

My pappa is my hero

want, hy wie die ongeduldigste is wat ‘n mens kan kry,

het geleer om baie geduldig met my te wees.

My pappa is my hero,

al sê wie ook wat van hom.

Hy is my beste pappa waarvoor ek kan vra.

Dankie pappa vir wat jy vir my doen.

My father is my hero.

That was not what my dad wanted, I’m convinced.

My dad is a farmer who does not like ways that are not beautiful and my ways have never been beautiful. My dad is a man who has to teach me about all kinds of farming, but I can not do anything myself as he would like. My dad is a man who likes to talk a lot and I can not say a single word. My dad likes men’s things like barbecuing and drinking beer, but we’ll never be able to do it together. My dad is looking for a son he did not get.

My dad is my hero because even though we are so completely different, he is my biggest supporter with my mom.

My dad gave up on his dream of having a son who could farm with him. My dad gave up his dream of a boy who could go hunting and braaiing and drink beer with him and do all kinds of men’s things with him. My dad abandoned his dream of having a son with whom he could talk and who would talk back.

BUT my dad made MY dream come true to have a dad

who understands me,

who plays with me and

who can be my partner.

The biggest thing my dad did for me is to do S2C (Spelling to Communicate) with me so he can also hear nicely what I think and want to say to him.

Today is my birthday. We plan to eat cake and hang out together, but the very best gift for me is my dad who now understands how my head and my body work and accepts me that way. We two complement each other nicely because my weaknesses are his strengths and his weaknesses are my strengths. Together we make a good team.

My dad is my hero,

for he loves me so much,

even though I’m not what he would like.

My dad is my hero,

because he talks about everything with me,

even though my dad can not hear what my reaction is to what he says.

My dad is my hero

for, he who is the most impatient one can get,

has learned to be very patient with me.

My dad is my hero,

no matter who says what about him.

He’s the best dad I could ask for.

Thank you Dad for what you do for me.

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