My tablet, my friend and my enemy.

My tablet, my vriend en my vyand

Originally written in Afrikaans by Nicolaas. Scroll down for translated version in English.

These pictures upset me a lot because it shows how autistic children, like me,  and our parents frequently misunderstand each other. It’s not as simple as these pictures make it seem.

Hierdie prentjies ontstel my baie omdat dit wys hoe ons outistiese kinders en ons ouers mekaar dikwels misverstaan. Dit is nie so eenvoudig soos wat hierdie prentjies dit laat lyk nie.

Ek is so moedeloos.  As ek myself kom kry, dan is ek oppad na my tablet toe. My lyf vat my soontoe, of ek nou wil of nie.

My brein is geprogrammeer om na die tablet toe te gaan as ek nie iets anders het om myself mee besig te hou nie. Dit is ‘n vreeslike gesukkelry om my lyf op ‘n ander pad te kry. Ek wil so graag my lyf leer om ander goed ook te doen, maar voor ek my kom kry, dan het ek weer my tablet beet.

As ander mense by ons kom kuier, dan gryp ek hulle fone. Dit is so “embarrassing” dat ek myself so wangedra. Die mense skrik hulle dood as ek hulle fone gryp en ek sien hoe benoud hulle raak. Ek verstaan dit en ek wil regtig nie hulle fone vat nie. So, dit is beter as hulle hul fone in hulle sakke hou dat ek dit nie sien nie, want sodra ek dit sien, kry ek my lyf moeilik beheer en steek ek myself in die skande as ek hul fone gryp.

Ek wil ook vertel van die voordele van my tablet.

Ek leer graag ander tale aan deurdat ek na bekende stories kyk wat in verskillende tale vertaal is. Ek hou ook daarvan om die prentjies op verskillende maniere aanmekaar te las sodat ek dan my eie stories in my kop opmaak.

Dit is baie lekker vir my om met my tablet te speel, maar daar is ook ‘n baie slegte kant aan my tablet spelery.    

Dit is wanneer ek vashaak op ‘n spesifieke storie of plek op my tablet. Dit maak my net so mal soos vir die mense rondom my as ek dieselfde ding oor en oor en oor speel. Dit is vir my net so kwaai irriterend soos vir die ander wat saam kyk of dit aanhoor.  Dit is net my lyf wat daarop vas haak. Ek wil eintlik ander goed luister en kyk, maar my lyf raak vas gevang in dieselfde pad wat dan oor en oor loop en dit is vir my baie sleg as dit gebeur.

Daar is goed waarvan ek baie hou, soos in Lion King wanneer die papa leeu die baba leeu vir die ander diere wys, maar ek is te bang om daarna te kyk, want dan weet ek verseker dat my lyf gaan vashaak. Dit is soos ‘n maalkolk wat my lyf insuig, en dan kan ek om die dood nie ontsnap daarvan af nie. Dit is my grootste struikelblok as dit gebeur. My ouers dink ek is vreeslik lief vir Lion King en sit dit graag vir my op, maar eintlik maak hulle my mooi bang wanneer hulle dit doen. Dit is dan my ergste as hulle dink hulle doen goed, maar eintlik wil ek net sê “help my om iets anders te kyk.” Daar is ander stories wat dieselfde doen as Lion King, maar vir my is Lion King die ergste maalkolk. As iemand my laat kies wat ek wil kyk, sal my lyf altyd Lion King kies, al maak dit my bang.

Dit is die neukery van my dom lyf. Hy maak nie soos ek wil hê hy moet maak nie. Dit is waarom my tablet my vriend en my vyand is.

Toe ek nog nie so mooi kon spel of skryf nie, het ek soms probeer kommunikeer deur die iPad te gebruik om boodskappe te probeer uit kry. Ek het byvoorbeeld sekere dele van my stories oor en oor gespeel om my mamma se aandag te probeer trek en ‘n boodskap vir haar te stuur, maar sy het dit eers begin verstaan dat ek vir haar ‘n boodskap probeer stuur op dié manier toe sy besef het ek is slimmer as wat almal gedink het, toe ons met Spelling to Communicate begin het.

Ek verstaan hoekom ouers moedeloos raak van dieselfde stories oor en oor kyk, want dit is vir my net so vervelig soos vir hulle. Ek vra asb baie mooi dat ouers hul kinders asseblief moet help om uit daai maalkolk uit te kom van daai selfde storie oor en oor tot vervelens toe.

Dit was my gunsteling tydverdryf toe ek klein was om stories soos Barney en die Loflaaities te kyk, want dit het ander kinders in gehad en ek was so alleen in my tronk sonder kommunikasie, dat die kinders in die Barney stories my enigste geselskap was. Dit is hoekom ek dit so graag gekyk het.

Die storie van Nemo was vir my mooi omdat dit die vissie met ‘n te klein vin in gehad het en hy het ‘n kwaai avontuur gehad.

Ek hou ook van stories wat lyk asof die karakters met my praat, want dan verbeel ek my ek praat terug met hulle soos ‘n kind met ‘n stem. Daar was baie jare wat niemand geweet het dat ek slim is en ook dink oor dinge nie. Dit is hoekom niemand met my gepraat het asof ek verstaan en kan terugpraat nie.

Ek is nou groot en ek wil nou ander stories kyk, wat groter kinders in belangstel, maar nou haak my lyf vas op daai kinderstories wat ek jare terug begin kyk het.

Dit is swaar om te praat oor die verlede, maar dit is nodig sodat ander kinders wie nie so bevoorreg is soos ek nie, ook gehelp kan word.

Ek raak soms so angstig as ek nie die tablet in die hande kry nie, dat ek dit heeltemal verloor.

Dit is ‘n moeilike balans, want soms help my tablet my om te kalmeer. Die bekendheid van die ou storie en die feit dat ek weet wat gaan gebeur, is vir my gerusstellend omdat ek dit kan manupileer soos wat ek wil. As ek daarna soek om te kalmeer en ek kry dit nie, dan raak ek vreeslik angstig. Dit is ‘n manier om myself te kalmeer, maar terselfder tyd is dit ook my grootste vyand. As my lyf vashaak op dieselfde plek, dan kalmeer dit my nie, maar maak my weer angstig,

My enigste raad vir ouers is om met hul kinders ‘n goeie verhouding te hê, sodat hul kan sien wanneer die tablet vir hul kind ontstel en wanneer dit hul kalmeer. Die probleem is dat dieselfde ding kan my kalmeer en ontstel. Dit is moeilik om te sien wat is die regte een, wat wanneer geld en wanneer om die tablet af te vat en wanneer om dit te gee.

As ek voorbereid is daarop dat die krag gaan afgaan, of dat daar nie sein gaan wees nie, kan ek dit hanteer. Maar as dit onverwags gebeur, ontstel dit my.

Ek maak myself  kalm deurdat ek na iets soek wat ek kan gebruik in die tablet se plek om my brein mee besig te hou.  Dit is wat die tablet eintlik vir my doen. Dit is ‘n manier om my brein mee besig te hou. As ek iets anders het om my lyf en my brein mee besig te hou, het ek nie die tablet nodig nie. Dis is hoekom my lyf na my tablet toe gaan as ek nie iets anders het om my brein mee besig te hou nie. Ek weet nie hoe verslawing is nie, maar my lyf het die tablet nodig om te kalmeer, maar as ek vas haak op iets, laat dit my verloor waarvoor ek dit aanvanklik gebruik het, om te kalmeer .

 

I get so discouraged. Before I can prevent myself from doing it, I’m going to my tablet. My body takes me there, whether I like it or not. My brain is programmed to go to the tablet if I don’t have anything else to keep myself busy with. It’s a terrible struggle to get my body on another road. I really want to teach my body to do other things as well, but before I know, I have my tablet in my hands again.

If other people come to visit us, I grab their phones. It is so embarrassing when I misbehave like that. The people get such a fright when I grab their phones and I see how distressed they become. I understand that. I really don’t want to take their phones. It is better if they keep their phones in their pockets,  that I don’t see it because as soon as I see it, I struggle to keep my body away from it and I embarrass myself when I grab their phones.

I like to learn other languages by looking at known stories that were translated into different languages. I also like to put the pictures together in different ways so that I then make my own stories in my head.

I also want to tell of the benefits of my tablet.

It is very nice for me to play with my tablet, but there is also a very bad side to playing with my tablet.

That’s when I get stuck on a specific story or place on my tablet. It makes me just as crazy as for the people around me when I play the same thing over and over and over again. It is just as extremely irritating to me as for the others who are watching or hearing it. It’s just my body getting stuck. I actually want to listen and watch other stuff, but my body gets stuck in the same path, repeating itself over and over.  It is very bad when it happens. 

There is stuff that I like very much, as in Lion King when the daddy Lion shows the baby lion to the other animals, but I’m too afraid to look at it. I know for sure that my body is going to get stuck. It is like my body get sucked in by a whirlpool, and then I cannot escape for the life of me. This is my biggest obstacle if this happens. My parents think I am terribly fond of Lion King and they like to put it on for me, but actually they make me pretty scared when they do. It’s my worst if they think they’re doing well, but actually I just want to shout “help me to do something else”.  There are other stories that do the same as Lion King, but for me, Lion King is the worst whirlpool. If someone is letting me choose what I want to watch, my body will always choose Lion King, though it scares me. This is the horror of my stupid body. It does not do what I want it to do. That is why my tablet is my friend and my enemy.

Before I could spell or write, I sometimes tried to communicate by using the IPad to try to get messages out. For example, I played some parts of my stories over and over to try to get my mama’s attention and send a message to her, but she only started understanding that I was trying to send her a message in this way after she realized I was smarter than everyone thought, when we started with Spelling to Communicate. 

I understand why parents get discouraged from watching the same stories over and over, because it is just as boring to me as to them. I ask very nicely that parents should help their children get out of that whirlpool of that same story over and over.

It was my favorite pastime to watch stories like Barney and the Loflaaities, as it had other children in. I was so alone in my jail without communication, that the children in the Barney stories were my only company. That’s why I’d like to watch it. The story of Nemo was beautiful for me because it had the fish with a too small vin and he had an great adventure. I also like stories that look like the characters are talking to me, because then I imagine me talking back to them like a child with a voice. There were many years when no one knew I was clever and can think about things. That’s why nobody spoke to me as if I understood and could speak back. I am now grown up and I want to watch other stories now that older children are interested in, but now my body gets stuck on those kids stories I started watching years ago. 

It is hard to talk about the past, but it is necessary so that other children who are not as privileged as I am, can also be helped.

I sometimes get so anxious when I don’t get the tablet, I lose it completely.  This is a tough balance, because sometimes my tablet helps me to calm down. The familiarity of the old story and the fact that I know what is going to happen is reassuring and I can also manipulate it as I wish. When I want to use it to calm down, and I don’t get it, I get terribly anxious. It is a way to calm myself, but also sometimes my worst enemy. If my body gets stuck at the same place, it won’t calm me, but makes me fret again.

My only advice for parents is to have a good relationship with their children, so they can see when the tablet is upsetting their child and when it’s calming them. The problem is that the same thing can calm and upset me. It’s hard to see what is the right one, when to take the tablet away and when to give it.

When I know beforehand that the electricity is going to be down, or that there is not going to be signal, I’ll be able to handle it. But if this happens unexpectedly, I get very anxious. I prepare myself by looking for something I can use in the tablet’s place to keep my brain busy.

That’s what the tablet actually does for me. It is a way to keep my brain busy. If I have something else to keep my body and my brain occupied with, I don’t need the tablet. That’s why my body goes to my tablet if I don’t have anything else to keep my brain busy with. I don’t know how addiction is, but my body needs the tablet to calm down. But if I get stuck on something, it loses its ability to calm me down.

My mamma verjaar vandag

Ek wens my mamma wil haar eie storie vertel. Sy is my grootste inspirasie en ondersteuner sodat ek kan doen wat ek nou doen.

Om vir die wêreld te vertel dat kinders soos ek dalk dom lyk, maar slim is met baie mooi harte, is nie aldag maklik nie. Ons is al deur baie moeilike situasies.

My mamma ondersteun my nog altyd.  Sy moes al baie keer baklei om my gehelp te kry. Sy doen dit sonder om moeg of bang te raak. Sonder haar, wat my nooit in die steek laat nie, sou ek nooit kon vorder tot waar ek nou is nie.

My mamma het so ‘n mooi hart, want sy probeer ander kinders soos ek, ook help. Dit sukkel om mense te oortuig, maar sy hou aan. Ek is nou al so baie keer met my mamma se hulp deur die wereld gehoor, want sy hou aan.

My mamma verjaar en hierdie is my geskenk vir haar. ‘n Groot dankie is al wat ek het om vir haar te gee, maar dit is my beste manier om vir haar te sê hoe lief ek haar het. Dit is my beste geskenk wat ek vir haar kan gee, want niks wat ek ooit kan koop sal ooit genoeg kan wees om te wys hoe dankbaar ek is vir my mamma nie.

DANKIE.

Met liefde, vir my mamma.

Lockdown is like Christmas to me

“Lockdown” is soos Kersfees vir my

Please scroll down for English version. Translation to English done by Mom.

“Lockdown” in die middel van die jaar voel soos Kersfees vir my, want ons is almal by die huis en dit is die lekkerste ding vir my.

As ons met vakansie is op die plaas kry ons gesin tyd om lekker saam te kuier, want in die kwartaal moet ons in Worcester bly sodat ek en my sussie kan skool toe gaan. Dit is vir my bitter lekker vandat ek nie meer net sit en ginne gaap in die skool nie, maar om al die tyd saam met my hele gesin te wees is, is vir my die heel lekkerste ding in die lewe.

As ons op ‘n ander plek as die plaas saam kuier, is dit my eerste gedagte dat ek nie met my gesin se behoeftes kan by bly met al die goed wat hulle wil doen nie. Die plaas is my enigste plek waar ek honderd present rustig kan wees oor my andersheid, want hier is niemand wat vir my snaaks aan kyk oor ek nie soos ander mense optree nie.

So, “lockdown” is vir my nie so sleg soos wat dit vir baie ander mense is nie. 

Tog besef ek dat “lockdown” nie ‘n grap is nie en dit is iets wat my baie laat dink aan my eie “lockdown” toe ek nie kon kommunikeer het nie. Dit was baie sleg en ek wil dit nooit weer oor hê nie.

My mooiste herinneringe was van die dag toe ek die eerste keer kon wys op die borde dat ek met my mamma kan praat deur te druk op die letters met my potlood. Dit was die mooiste dag en ek sal dit nooit vergeet nie. Ek wil hê dat julle daaraan moet dink wanneer die lockdown verby is, want dit is hoe ek gevoel het. Ek was bly, en ek was bang, en ek was ontsteld, en ek was opgewonde en ook onseker oor my toekoms.

Dit is nou ‘n paar jaar later en ek kan vir almal daar buite sê dat, al lyk dinge dalk nou donker en al is mense bang en onseker, moenie moed opgee nie. Daar is ‘n lig voor in die tonnel. Al vat dit dalk jare, daar is hoop en ons moet dit nie vergeet nie.

  • Ek is baie dankbaar vir my mooi sussie wat my so mooi gehelp het. Dankie daarvoor, ek waardeer dit baie. Ek wil graag my blog oor die lockdown opdra aan Lisa, want sy help my baie.

Lockdown in the middle of the year feels like Christmas to me, because all of us are at home and I enjoy that the most.

When we are on holiday at the farm, we get time to spend together as a family. During the school term we have to stay in Worcester for me and my sister to be able to attend school. I really enjoy going to school very much since I am not only sitting around doing nothing at school, but being with my family all the time, is the thing I enjoy most in life.

When we spend time together anywhere else than on the farm, my first thought is that I cannot keep up with my family’s needs and everything they want to do. The farm is the only the place where I can be totally relaxed about being different , because here is nobody that notice that I do not act the same as other people.

So, for me, this lockdown is not as bad as it is for many other people.

I do realise though that lockdown is not a joke. It is something that reminds me very much about my own lockdown when I could not communicate. It was very bad and I never want to have that again.

My most beautiful memories are of the first day I could show that I can talk to my mom by poking the letters with my pencil on the boards. That was the most beautiful day and I shall never forget that. I want you to think about that when the lockdown is over, because that is how I felt. I was happy, I was scared, and I was upset, and I was excited and also uncertain  about my future.

It is a few years later now, and I can tell everyone out there that even though things may look bad now, and even though people are scared and uncertain, do not give up hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though it may take years, there is hope, do not forget that.

  • I am very grateful to my pretty sister who helped me so well. I want to dedicate this blogpost about lockdown to Lisa, because she helps me very much.

My words: My best weapon and tool

My woorde, my beste wapen en gereedskap.

Ek wil begin by my woorde, want dit is my kosbaarste besitting.

I want to start off with my words, because they are my most precious possession.

Ek is so dankbaar daarvoor dat ek nou kan spel en skryf, want dit maak dat ek my mooi woorde kan deel met ander mense. Ek verstaan dat daar ander mense is wat ook mooi woorde het, maar wat my woorde so spesiaal maak is dat ek nie ‘n stem het nie en dat my lyf nie saam met my brein werk nie. So, ek lyk baie dom en onbeholpe, maar ek het hierdie mooi woorde in my kop wat myself verbaas as hulle uitkom op papier.

I am so thankful for being able to spell and write now, because of that, I can share my beautiful words with other people. I understand that there are other people with beautiful words as well, but what makes my words so beautiful is that I do not have a voice and my brain does not work well with my body. So, I look very stupid and incompetent, but I have these beautiful words in my head which surprises even myself when they appear on paper.

Ander mense sukkel om my mooi woorde te versoen met dit wat hulle sien van my lyf en dit het my eers vies gemaak, maar nou is ek bly daaroor. My mamma help my om met ander mense te praat en hulle sien dan dat ek kan praat al het ek nie ‘n stem nie en ek het mooi woorde, al lyk ek soos ek lyk.

Other people struggle to reconcile how I look, with the beautiful words I have. It upset me initially, but now I am glad about it. My mom helps me to communicate with other people and then they realise that I can talk, even though I do not have a voice and that I have beautiful words, even though I look the way I do.

My woorde is my beste “tool” om die wêreld te vertel van my outisme en om met maats wat soos ek is te help om ook hulle woorde uit hulle dom en deurmekaar lywe te laat kry. Ek is baie dankbaar vir my mamma, want sy is ‘n baie goeie kommunikasie en regulerings vennoot (CRP) vir my. Ek wens my maats wat soos ek is het ook sulke goeie CRP’s sodat hulle ook gehoor kan word.

My words are my best tool to tell the world about my autism and to help my friends, who are the same as me, to get their words out of their stupid and dysregulated bodies. I am very grateful for my mom, because she is a very good Communication and Regulation Partner (CRP) to me. I whish all my friends, who are like me, can also have such good CRP’s for them to be able to be heard as well.

My woorde is ook my sterkste wapen teen my eie mooi gemoed se donker dae, want as ek enigsins moed verloor oor ek so sukkel met my lyf, sal my woorde altyd die ligpunt wees waaraan ek vashou en wat my so baie help dat ek nie mistroostig raak oor my lyf wat my soms so kwaad maak nie.

My words are also my strongest weapon against my own mind’s dark days. When I feel like losing hope because I struggle so much with my body, my words will always be the ray of light which I can hold on to and which keeps  me from not getting to despondent about my body which makes me so angry sometimes.

My autism is not as bad as you think.1

April is outisme-maand, maar outisme is my lewe. Elke dag is outisme-dag vir my. Outisme is die ding wat my lewe elke dag anders maak as vir meeste kinders van my ouderdom.

April is autism month, but autism is my life. Every day is autism day for me. Autism is the thing which makes my life different from most kids of my age.

Outisme is nie so sleg soos wat meeste mense dink nie. Outisme is my lewe, so ek weet waarvan ek praat as ek dit sê.

Autism is not as bad as most people think. Autism is my life, so I know what I am talking about.

My outisme is nie ‘n las nie. Ek is bekommerd dat mense dink dat outisme net sleg is. Dit is my wens dat ek die wêreld se negatiewe konnektasie van outisme kan verander.

Autism is not a burden for me. I am worried that people think that autism is only bad. It is my wish to change the world’s negative conoctation of autism.

Ek is so spyt  niemand kan in my kop sien hoe outisme my brein laat werk nie. As mense kon sien, sou hulle verstaan hoekom outisme nie ‘n slegte ding is nie. Ek is so vies as mense net sleg praat van outisme, want dit is eintlik ‘n baie mooi ding wat my lewe soveel interessanter maak as wat ander mense s’n is.

It is such a shame that nobody can see in my head how autism makes my brain work. If people could have seen, they would have understood why autism is not such a bad thing. I get very upset when people only say negative things about autism, because it is actually a very beautiful thing which makes my life a lot more interesting than other people’s.

My outisme lyk nie dieselfde as ander se outisme nie. So, ek kan net van my outisme vertel. My outisme is anders, maar dit is ook baie dieselfde as ander kinders s’n.  

My autism does not look the same as other autisms. So, I can only tell about my autism. My autism is different, but also very similar to other kid’s autism.

My outisme is so lekker om te hê dat ek dit beslis nie wil weg wens nie. Ek sal nie my lewe wil verander as ek sou kon nie. Ek is uniek geskape en ek is tevrede met wat God vir my gegee het, al is dit nie elke dag maklik nie.

My autism is so nice to have, that I definitely do not want to wish it away. Even if I could change my life, I would not. I am created uniquely and I am satisfied with what God gave me, even though it’s not always easy.

My outisme is my beste eienskap. As ek dit verduidelik, sal ek baie lank moet skryf. So ek wil elke dag van April maand oor iets skryf wat my outisme spesiaal maak en dan kan ons elke week iets post.

My autism is my best attribute. When I have to explain this, I’ll have to write a very long essay. So, I want to write about things that make my autism so special every day of April and then I can post it every week.

Ek wil daarom oor drie goed skryf wat my outisme so spesiaal maak.

I want to write about three things which makes my autism so special to me.

MY DREAM TO DANCE

Me and my beautiful teacher Elizna

This is a translation by mom and teacher Elizna of the original “My droom om te dans”.

My mood/emotions and my body are related. I see it as a dance, because they both dance with me. My mood/emotions on the one side and my body on the other. As soon as they do not dance smoothly together, there is trouble. My body tends to pull to the one side and my mood to the other. Then there is extreme confusion. Sometimes it is an immensely difficult battle  to interoperate with these two sides of me, but when we do dance in harmony, my life is super happy. I want to tell you what helps me to get this dance right.

My mom:

My mom is very patient with me. If only I could have been this patient with myself, life would have been much easier for me.

My beautifull  teacher Elizna:

She showed me how to draw mindmaps. This helps me to organize my thoughts, in order for me to – when I have a problem – construct clever plans and find solutions.

Her calm demeaner, when she works with me, helped me a lot. As soon as somebody shouts or screams at me, my body immediately gets confused and then my body does not want to listen to my brain at all.

She also showed me how enjoyable school can be when you are understood and accepted. It makes a gigantic difference in my life to be accepted, with all my difficulties and all, like now.

Previously it was impossible for me to regulate myself in the classroom, because I could feel that I was not accepted. It is the most difficult thing for me to regulate myself in an unfriendly environment.

I am really happy now with a teacher that understands how my body and my mind are related.

Acceptance:

This is one of the most important things.

My body is my worst enemy when he does not want to cooperate with my brain.

When I notice that somebody gets involved with my struggle and does not allow me the opportunity to solve my problem by myself, then I feel as if that person does not trust me to be able to solve my problem by myself. So, then I feel that I am not accepted.

I appreciate help very much, but I also need space to try things myself, eventhough somebody assists me.

It is also important to me to feel save enough to ask for help when I need it, without feeling judged for not being able to get my body to do a simple task.

It is a very difficult balance to find, because sometimes my mom or somebody else needs to intervene to stop me from keeping on struggling with something. There are situations like that as well and someone will only get it right if they understand me very well.

I also had to learn to accept myself.

That is something I am only starting with, so, I still have a long road ahead of me. It was only possible to start accepting myself because I felt more accepted by the people around me.

It is very important in my process of self-acceptance for me to feel that people appreciate me for my clever brain and do not judge me for my stupid body.

This is so important that I cannot say it enough. It is the most beautiful thing for me when I see my mom’s  and my beautiful teacher’s  acceptance of me and supporting me in my efforts to accept myself for my good and my bad attributes. It is the best thing when they help me to try and find solutions.

Before I could communicate, I often tried to find solutions myself, but nobody knew about my efforts and I was often judged for my behaviour, while I was actually trying my utmost best to find a solution myself. Now that I can communicate, I can ask for help and discuss my plans with my mom and my beautiful teacher. I am very happy that I am able to do that.

Communication:

This is also super important.

My body does not show how I feel.

So, if I cannot communicate, I cannot show what bothers me or makes me happy. It is a huge battle when my body does not want to co-operate and I cannot tell with my “pentalker” what the problem is. I then get extremely frustrated with myself as well as the people around me.

My bloggerfriends:

My mom often reads and tells me about other blogs she read that was written by other people whose bodies also messes around like mine, and they mean a lot to me. They tell about their struggles with their bodies that does not want to cooperate and that helps me not to feel all alone. I am for ever gratefull to them for their willingness to share their struggles with the world. It makes a huge difference in my struggle to accept myself.

They are the only company I have  that is the same as me, because my friends who are in my school, cannot communicate yet. My blogger friends  are very special to me. There were  times when I was extremely despondent because of my body’s uncooperativeness. I felt as if it was only my body that does this. It helped me a lot when I heard there are other people who have the same struggle as me.

Body engagers:

I have a few practical tips to help me with my dance with my body and my emotions.

The one thing that helps me the most, is body engagers, which keeps my body busy while my brain is working.

I love a video about fish which my teacher often plays for me in class. While I am watching the fishes, I am actually thinking very hard. When my body is not busy while I am using my brain, I struggle to control my body and then my body  gets me in trouble.

When I am busy with the body engagers, I can think more clearly. When I have to keep my body 100% still, it takes so much effort from me that I cannot think clearly. Then I am totally exhausted from the struggle to control my body and I am then doomed for failure.

It is because I was watching the fishes, that I could write this blog. It also calms me down when I watch the fishes swimming around so beautifully. 

I sometimes uses something which texture I like and feels nice to me, to keep my hands busy. This also helps a lot. If that does not help me, I try to get something different to keep myself busy so that I can think.

I like to stim as well, which helps me to keep calm when I get worked up or upset.

Staying calm:

I think people have no idea how well I can sense their mood fluctuations. This has a serious influence on my body and my mood. It is very difficult for me to function in the presence of somebody who is not calm.

I have a struggle to stay calm myself. As soon as I get excited, sad, stressed, unhappy or experience any other emotion than calmness,  then I struggle immensely to keep my body under control. The emotions confuse my body. So if someone close to me struggles to keep calm, then I have no chance of controling my body. It is especially important to stay calm when it looks like I am busy losing it. It is very difficult for me to turn  my mood and my body around when people around me react to my body’s movements and the sounds I make when I get upset. I have to try to keep myself calm, otherwise I am going to lose it in any case. Whether I can turn it around when I am already upset, mostly depends on the people around me.

My ears’ lightning conductors

That is what my noise cancelling headphones and white noise are to my very sensitive ears. These are very important aids to help me with my dance with my mood and my body. The other thing that also helps me is when I cover my ears with my hands, so that the loud or irritating sounds not upset me.

Respect for my hard work to control my body.

It is very important that I should be allowed the opportunity to say when I am done, because then I am too tired to control my body any further. I am then not certain anymore if I will be able to keep my body under control in case I get upset. I appreciate it immenseley if someone respects me enough to give me the opportunity to say if I can no longer hold on.

That implies that I sometimes have to throw in the towel and try again on another day.

It is very important that I should be given this choice so that I know that my body is not going to let me down at a time or place that is humiliating to me.

I will probably never have complete control over my body, but I can work on my reaction on my “out of control” body. Thank you to each person who helped me to understand that. I think this is the most important lesson I’ve learned in my effort to dance in harmony with my mood and my body. I am already managing to control myself, even if I am very upset about something or about something someone said. It is already so much better than it was before, but I still have a long road ahead of me and I still have to work very hard on it every day.

MY DROOM OM TE DANS

Ek en my mooi juffrou Elizna

My lyf en my gemoed is baie afhanklik van mekaar. Ek sien dit as ‘n dans, want altwee dans saam met my. My gemoed aan die een kant en my lyf aan die ander kant. Sodra hulle nie mooi saam dans nie, is daar moeilikheid. My lyf is geneig om eenkant toe te neuk en my gemoed na die ander kant toe. Dan is dit ‘n lelike deurmekaarspul as dit dit gebeur. Dit is soms ‘n vreeslike stryd om met die twee kante van my saam gewerk te kry, maar as ons mooi saam dans dan is my lewe super gelukkig. Ek is nou  sommer mooi gereed om te vertel wat my help om mooi gedans te kry

NICOLAAS PAULSEN 2020

My Ma:

My mamma is baie geduldig met my. As ek net so geduldig kon wees met myself, sou dit my lewe baie makliker gemaak het.

My mooi juffrou Elizna:

Sy het my gewys hoe om “mindmaps” op te stel. Dit help my om my gedagtes mooi agter mekaar te kry, sodat ek – as ek ‘n probleem het – mooi planne kan maak om oplossings te kry.

Haar rustige manier van met my werk het my baie gehelp. Sodra iemand op my raas en skree, dan raak ek dadelik deurmekaar en wil my lyf glad nie luister na my brein nie.

Sy het ook vir my gewys hoe lekker dit in die skool kan wees as mens verstaan en aanvaar kan word. Dit maak ‘n reusagtige verskil in my lewe om so aanvaar te word met al my moeilikhede en al.

Dit was voorheen vir my onmoontlik om myself in die klas te reguleer, omdat ek kon aanvoel dat ek nie aanvaar word nie. Dit is die moeilikste ding om myself te reguleer in ‘n onvriendelike omgewing.

Dit is nou baie lekker met ‘n juffrou wat verstaan hoe my lyf en my gemoed saamwerk.

Aanvaarding:

Dit is mooi een van die heel belangrikste goed.

My lyf is my grootste vyand as hy nie met my brein wil saamwerk nie. As ek sien iemand raak betrokke en gee my nie kans om my probleem self op te los nie, dan voel dit vir my asof daardie persoon my nie vertrou om dit self te kan oplos nie. So dan voel ek dat ek nie aanvaar word nie.

Ek waardeer hulp vreeslik baie, maar ek het ook ruimte nodig om self te probeer, al gee iemand my hulp.

Dit is ook vir my belangrik om veilig te voel om hulp te kan vra wanneer ek dit nodig het, sonder om veroordeel te voel omdat ek nie my lyf kan kry om ‘n eenvoudige ding te doen nie.

Dit is ‘n moeilike balans om te vind, want party maal moet my ma of iemand anders my help en my keer om aan te hou sukkel met ‘n ding.  So daar is sulke gevalle ook en net as iemand my mooi verstaan, sal hulle dit regkry.

Ek moes ook leer om myself te aanvaar en dit het ek net begin regkry, so ek het nog ‘n lang pad daarmee voor my. Dit is net moontlik gewees om met aanvaarding van myself te begin omdat ek deur die mense rondom my beter aanvaar word. Dit is so belangrik in my proses van selfaanvaarding, dat ek ook moet voel ek word waardeer vir my slim brein en nie veroordeel vir my dom lyf nie.

Dit is so belangrik dat ek dit nie genoeg kan sê nie. Dit is die heel beste ding vir my as ek sien hoe my mamma en my mooi juffrou my so aanvaar en my ondersteun in my pogings om myself te aanvaar vir my goeie en my slegte dinge. Dit is altyd die beste ding vir my as hulle my so help planne maak.

Voor ek kon kommunikeer, het ek ook dikwels self planne probeer maak, maar niemand het daarvan geweet nie en ek was dikwels veroordeel oor my gedrag, terwyl ek eintlik besig was om my uiterste bes te probeer om self ‘n plan te probeer beraam.

Nou dat ek kan kommunikeer, kan ek vra vir hulp en ook my planne bespreek met my mamma en my mooi juffrou, so ek is nou baie bly daaroor dat ek dit kan doen.

Kommunikasie:

Dit is ook super belangrik.

My lyf wys nie wat ek voel nie, so as ek nie kan kommunikeer nie, dan kan ek nie wys wat my pla of gelukkig maak nie.

Dit is ‘n mooi groot stryd as dit mooi nie met my lyf saamwerk nie en ek nie met my penprater kan vertel wat die probleem is nie, want dan raak ek bitterlik gefrustreerd met myself en met die mense om my.

Blogger vriende:

My mamma lees en vertel dikwels van ander blogs wat sy gelees het, wat geskryf is deur ander mense wie se lywe ook neuk soos myne en hulle beteken vir my vreeslik baie .

Hulle vertel ook van hul probleme met hul lywe wat verkeerd neuk en dit help my om nie so alleen te voel nie.

Ek is hulle ewig dankbaar dat hulle bereid was om vir die wêreld te vertel van hulle stryd met hulle lywe. Dit maak ‘n groot verskil in my stryd om myself te aanvaar.

Dit is al geselskap wat ek het van mense wat net soos ek is, want my maats wat hier by my in die skool is, kan nog nie kommunikeer nie.

Dit is vir my baie spesiaal, ek is al so moedeloos gewees oor my lyf wat so met my maak, want dit voel vir my dit is net my lyf wat so maak en dit help my om te hoor daar is ander mense wat met dieselfde probleem sukkel.

Body Engagers“:

Daar is ‘n paar praktiese wenke wat ek het om my dans met my lyf en my gemoed aan te help.

Die een wat vir my die meeste help, is “Body Engagers”, wat my lyf besig hou terwyl my kop werk.

Ek is baie lief vir ‘n “vissie video” wat my juffrou vir my speel in die klas.

Terwyl ek na die vissies kyk, is ek besig om baie hard te dink. As my lyf nie besig is terwyl my kop werk nie, dan is my lyf net ledig en hulle sê nie verniet “ledigheid is die duiwel se oorkussing” nie. My lyf is dan baie meer besig en met ‘n besige lyf, kan my kop lekker dink. As my lyf heeltemal stil gehou moet word, dan is dit soveel moeite dat ek nie met my kop kan dink nie. Dan is ek stokflou van die gesukkel om my lyf te beheer en dan is ek ook gedoem tot mislukking.

Dit is juis omdat ek besig was om na die vissies te kyk, dat ek hierdie blog kon skryf. Die vissies maak my ook rustig en kalm as hulle so lekker in die water swem.

Ek gebruik ook party maal goed wat lekker voel om my hande besig te hou. Dit help ook baie. As dit my nie help nie, probeer ek iets anders in die hande kry om myself besig te hou, sodat ek lekker kan dink.

Ek hou ook van stim en dit help my ook om kalm te bly as ek opgewerk of ontsteld raak.

Om kalm te bly.

Ek is nie seker dat mense besef hoe baie deeglik ek kan aanvoel hoe hulle gemoedskommelinge ervaar nie. Dit het ‘n erge invloed op my lyf en my gemoed, want dit is altyd vir my baie swaar om te funksioneer in die geskelskap van iemand wat nie kalm is nie.

Ek het self ‘n probleem om kalm te bly. Sodra ek opgewonde, hartseer, gespanne, ongelukkig of enige emosie anders as kalmte ervaar, dan is dit ‘n vreeslike stryd om my lyf te beheer, want dit is al die emosies wat my lyf so deurmekaar krap.

So as iemand na aan my ook nog sukkel om kalm te bly, dan het ek geen kans op sukses om my lyf te beheer nie.

Dit is veral belangrik om kalm te bly wanneer ek lyk asof ek wil uithaak, dan is dit moeilik vir my om my gemoed en my lyf omgedraai te kry as die mense rondom my reageer op my lyf se optrede en die geluide wat ek maak as ek opgewerk raak.

Ek self moet ook myself probeer kalm hou, anders gaan ek dit in elk geval verloor – of ek dit kan omdraai as ek reeds ontsteld is, hang af van die mense rondom my.

My ore se weerligafleiers

Dit is weer wat my oorfone en die white noise is vir my baie sensitiewe ore. Dit is belangrike hulpmiddels om my te help in my dans met my lyf en my gemoed.

Die ander ding, wat my ook help, is as ek my hande oor my ore sit, want dan demp dit ook bietjie die klank, sodat die harde of irriterende geluide my nie ontstel nie.

Respek vir my harde werk om my lyf te beheer

Dit is belangrik  dat ek maar kan sê as ek klaar is, want dan ek is dan te moeg om my lyf verder te beheer. Ek is dan nie meer so seker ek sal kan my lyf in toom hou wanneer ek ontsteld raak nie. Ek waardeer dit as iemand my soveel respekteer dat ek kan sê wanneer ek nie meer kan vasbyt nie

 Dit beteken dat ek soms moet handoek ingooi en ‘n ander dag weer probeer.

Dit is baie belangrik dat ek daardie keuse moet kan hê, sodat ek weet my lyf gaan my nie in die steek laat op ‘n plek of tyd wat vir my vernederend is nie.

Ek gaan seker nooit heeltemal beheer kry oor my lyf nie, maar ek kan werk aan my reaksie op my lyf se geneukery. Dankie vir elkeen wat my gehelp het om dit te verstaan. Ek dink dit is nog die heel belangrikste les wat ek geleer het in my poging om mooi te kan dans met my gemoed en my lyf. Ek is nou al so oulik daarmee dat ek my kan mooi beheer, selfs al is ek baie omgekrap oor iets of wat iemand gesê het. Dit is al baie beter as wat dit was, maar ek het nog ‘n lang pad voor my en moet nog elke dag kliphard daaraan werk.

My most beautifull beautifull year: 2019

My mooiste mooiste mooi jaar was 2019

Scroll down for English version (after Afrikaans on page).

My stem is steeds doodstil, maar my woorde trek oor die wêreld heen. Dit is my mooiste droom wat waar geword het met my blogskrywery. My stem was nog altyd stil en my woorde was my geheim wat net ek van geweet het. Vandat ek kan kommunikeer deur te spel op die borde en te skryf, is my woorde nou nie meer net my geheim nie. My woorde is nou my beste wonderwerk en droom wat waar geword het, want nou kan my woorde iets beteken vir ander mense. Ek wil veral vir my maats wat soos ek is, help, want dit sal my hart bly maak as ek vir ander kinders soos ek wie se stemme ook stil is, kan hoop gee. Ek sal altyd my beste probeer om ander soos ek te help, want ek weet hoe swaar dit is om nie te kan praat nie. Ek wens ek kan dit vir ander kinders makliker maak sodat hulle nie so lank soos ek moet wag om hul woorde uit te kry nie. Ek is nou so dankbaar dat ek kan kommunikeer dat ek baie graag vir ander wil help.

Die mooiste mooi van die jaar vir my was dat ek soos ander kinders kon leer en skool toe gaan. Dit is iets wat baie kinders as ‘n straf sien dat hulle moet skool toe gaan, maar vir my was dit nog altyd net ‘n droom om te kan leer. Ek het die jaar die eerste keer kans gekry om te kan leer soos ander kinders en ek het gewys dat ek dit kan doen.

Ek is woes besig om my mooiste drome te laat bewaarheid en ek is baie dankbaar vir mamma en pappa  en my sussie, Lisa,  vir al hul hulp en ondersteuning, maar ek weet dat niks moontlik sou wees as dit nie vir die genade van my God was nie. Ook was daar baie ander mense op my pad wat my gehelp het om my drome te verwesenlik. As ek almal my mooiste wense kan gee, sal dit wees dat hulle my moet sien om te glo waar ek gekom het.

My mooiste wens is dat wat met my gebeur het, ook met my maats wat soos ek is, gebeur. Die mense dink dit is net ek wat so slim is, maar my maats het ook woorde in hul koppe wat wag om uit te kom. Ek wens hulle kry ook die hulp wat ek gekry het sodat hulle ook kan glo dat dit vir hulle ook moontlik is om hulle drome te bewaarheid.

Ek het ook slegte ondervindings gehad, maar omdat ek nou kan kommunikeer, kon ons selfs die slegte ondervindings mooi uitsorteer.

My mooiste jaar se Kersfees was my beste ooit, want ek het persente gekies vir my gesin. Dit was die eertse keer ooit dat ek dit kon doen en dit het my hart vreeslik bly gemaak. Dit is ongelooflik lekker om my mooiste jaar so af te sluit, want my gesin het vreeslik baie opgeoffer om my te kan help. Ek voel soms skuldig oor alles wat hulle moet prys gee om my te kan help. Dit was vir my baie lekker dat ek vir hulle met ‘n geskenkie uit my hart kon dankie sê.

My mooiste mooi jaar het geëidig met ‘n mooi dans by die Sutherland hotel. Dit was vreeslik lekker om saam met my gesin te kan gaan dans. Dit was so lekker om met my mamma ook te kan dans. Ek sal dit nooit kon gedoen het as dit nie was vir al die moeite wat ons die jaar met my kommunikasie en terapieë gedoen het nie. Dit was ‘n jaar   van baie hoogtepunte en dit gaan nog mooier wees in 2020, want ek kan nou praat, al is my stem steeds stil.

Mag 2020 ook vir al my vriende en familie so mooi wees soos wat 2019 vir my was.

Ek sal dit met my hele hart vir my maats wat ook nie kan praat nie, toe wens.

My most Beautifull Beautifull year: 2019

Translation done by Mom.

My voice is still silent, but my words travel across the world. Writing this blog,  is my most beautiful dream come true. My voice was always silent, and my words were  my secret, which only I knew of. Since I can now communicate by spelling on the boards and writing, my words are no longer only  a secret. My words are now my best miracle and dream come true because it can now help other people. I want to help other people like me. It will make me very happy if I could give hope to other children like me whose voices are also silent. I shall always try my best to help others like me, because I know how difficult it is not to be able to speak. I wish I can make it easier for other children so that they do not have to wait as long as I did to get their words out. I am very grateful to be able to communicate and I would love to help others.

The most beautiful beautiful of this year for me was that I could learn and attend school like other children. Children often do not like to attend school, but  it has always only been a dream of mine to be able to learn. This year I got the chance to learn (aka “age appropriate schooling”) like other children and I proved that I can do it.

I am busy reaching my most beautiful dreams at an alarming pace. I am very grateful for my mom and my dad and my sister, Lisa, for all their help and encouragement, but I know that none of it would have been possible without the grace of my God. There were also many other people who helped me achieve my dreams.  I wish that they could see where I got to to believe it.

My most beautiful wish is that what happened to me, also happens for my friends who are like me. People think that it is only me that are so clever, but my friends also have words in their heads which await to be freed. I wish they can also receive the help I got so that they can also believe that their dreams can also come true. 

I also had bad experiences, but because I can now communicate, we could sort out even the bad experiences and make them beautiful.

My most beautiful year’s Christmas was my best ever, because I could choose presents for my family. This was the very first time I could do this and it made me extremely happy. It is unbelievably enjoyable to end my year this way, because my family sacrificed a lot to help me.  I often feel guilty because of everything they have to sacrifice to be able to help me. It was extremely nice to be able to thank them with a present from the bottom of my heart.

My most beautiful beautiful year ended with a beautiful dance at the Sutherland hotel with my family. I enjoyed it immensely to go to the dance with my family. It was so enjoyable to dance with my mom. I would never have been able to do this was it not for all the effort we made with my communication and therapies.   It was a year with many highlights and it is going to be even better in 2020, because I can now talk, even though my voice is still silent.

May 2020 be as beautiful for all my friends and family as 2019 was for me.

I wish this especially for all my friends who also cannot speak.

What I would have told my parents before I could communicate # Wat ek vir my ouers sou sê toe ek nog nie kon praat nie

My hart raak seer as  ek hieroor praat, want my ouers het baie tyd en geld gemors. My blogpost gaan nie oor wie se skuld dit was nie, maar vir ander om gehelp te word uit die foute wat in my lewe gemaak is.

 “Outisme is nie die einde van die wêreld nie,  ek gaan okay wees. “

As ek kon praat, sou ek dit eerste vir hulle wou sê. My hart moet baie keer hoor hoe ander mense vertel dat outisme ‘n baie slegte ding is, maar outisme is my lewe en dit is okay om outisties te wees. Dit is net baie sleg as mamma my nie verstaan nie. Omdat sy nie van beter geweet het nie en sy na slim mense geluister het en hulle was eintlik baie dommer as sy sy het dit net nie geweet nie. Sy is baie kere vertel dat my gedrag sleg was en eintlik was dit my lyf wat nie na my kop wil luister nie. Mamma het baie keer gefrustreerd geraak met my want sy het gedink ek wil nie maak soos sy sê nie, maar eintlik was ek kliphard besig om te probeer, my lyf wou net nie na my kop luister nie.   Ek is nou baie bly dat mamma van beter weet maar nou sukkel sy steeds om ander mense te oortuig dat dit so is. Mamma is baie mooi slim, maar met outisme was sy mooi dom, want sy het nie verstaan dat sy my nie kon regkry met allerhande terapieë nie, want ek is eintlik klaar reg en mooi, net soos ek is. Outisme en al.

Mamma was onkundig en het baie moeite gedoen om van outisme te leer, maar sy het na mense geluister wat nie self outisties was nie. Hulle is nie altyd reg oor wat hulle dink outisme is nie. As sy woorde kon hoor van ander outistiese kinders soos ek, dan sou sy van beter geweet het. Daarom is dit belangrik dat ek my storie vertel sodat ander my woorde kan hoor en beter verstaan. Wat ek vir haar sou sê is dat:

 “Ek is ‘n mens net soos almal anders, maar my lyf is net nie dieselfde as ander mense s’n nie, want hy wil nie vir my kop luister nie. “

My hart voel nou sommer stukke beter noudat ek dit gesê het.

Wat se raad het ek vir mense in dieselfde posisie? Dit is nou baie moeilik, want mamma is my grootste ondersteuner en ek moet nou vertel van mamma se mooi maniere wat nie gewerk het nie. Dit is vir my baie sleg, maar ek weet mamma wil net so graag ander mense help soos ek, so ek weet mamma sal dit verstaan. Ek is mos mamma se slim kind.

My mamma het my na **** geneem en hulle het my nie verstaan nie, maar toe ons by die S2C workshop was verlede jaar, het mamma vir hulle ook saam genooi. Mamma het goeie werk gedoen om hulle saam te nooi. Dit was mamma se beste manier om my ‘n  kans te gee   om vir hulle te wys dat hulle my onderskat het. Dit is wat ek wil sê vir ander ouers:

 “Moenie jou kind onderskat nie, want sy of haar lyf laat hom of haar dalk  dom lyk, maar mooi woorde moet net ‘n manier kry om uit te kom, want glo my, hulle het baie mooi woorde.”

Hoe dankbaar ek is omdat ek nou kan kommunikeer, want dit is die enigste manier waarop ek kan wys hoe ek voel. My lyf is nie my sterk punt nie. Ek is dankbaar dat ek kan hoor en sien en kan loop en spring, maar my lyf is tog ook my hart en my brein se huis, so ek is dankbaar dat hy daar is, maar sonder kommunikasie is my lyf ‘n reuse struikelblok. As ek dus met my ouers kon praat, sou ek sê dat:

 “julle my net moet help met  kommunikasie. Die res help nie veel nie as niemand my verstaan nie.”

So, as ek raad moet gee, is ek in iemand se slegte boekie, want ek dink die enigste terapie wat my gehelp het was Spelling to Communicate. Die ander goed is nie so effektief nie, want hulle fokus net op my dom lyf.

Translation to English by mom.

I get very sad, when I speak  about this, because my parents wasted much time and money. This blogpost is not about whose fault it is, but to help others from the mistakes made in my life.

“ Autism is not the end of the world, I am going to be okay”

If I could speak, that is the first thing I would have liked to tell them.I often have to listen to people saying that autism is a very terrible thing, but autism is my life, and it is okay to be autistic. The only bad thing is when my mom does not understand me. Because she did not know any better, she listened to clever people who were actually non the wiser, she just did not know it. She were often told that my behaviour was bad, but in actual fact it was my body which did not listen to my brain. My mom often got frustrated with me, because she thought that I did not want to do what she wanted me to do, meanwhile I was trying my utmost best, my body just did not want to listen to my brain. I am very glad that my mom now knows better, but now she struggles to convince others. My mom is very clever, but with autism she was very stupid. She did not understand that she could not fix me with all sorts of therapies, because I was already right and beautiful just the way I am, autism and all.

My mom was uninformed about autism and made a lot of effort to learn about autism, but she listened to people who were not autistic themselves. They are not always right about what they think autism is.  If she could hear the words off other autistic children like me, she would have been better off. That is why it is important to tell my story so that other people can hear my words and understand better. What I would have told her if I could, was:

“I am a human just like everyone else, my body is just not the same as others, because it does not listen to my  brain.”

What advice do I have for people in the same position? This is very difficult for me, because my mom is my biggest supporter and I have to tell of things she did which did not work. This is terrible for me to do, but I know my mom wants to help other people just as much as I do, so I know that she will understand. I am my mom’s clever child.

My mom took me to ****, but they did not understand me. When we went to the S2C workshop the previous year, my mom invited them to go as well. My mom did good by inviting them. That was the best way I got an opportunity to show them that they underestimated me. That is what I want to tell other parents:

“Do not underestimate your child, because it is his or her body which makes him or her look stupid, but beautiful words just need a way to get out, because believe me, they have very beautiful words.”

How thankful am I that I can now communicate, because it is the only way that I can show what I feel. My body is not my best feature. I am grateful that I can hear and see and walk and jump, but my body is also my heart and my brain’s house. So, I am grateful that I have it, but without communication, my body is a huge barrier. If I could speak to my parents then, I would have told them:

“Only help me to communicate. The rest does not help much if nobody understands me.”

So, if I have to give others advice, I am stepping on toes. In my opinion, the only therapy which helped me, was Spelling to Communicate. The rest of the therapies was not as effective because it only focused on my stupid body.

Wie ek is en hoe ek praat Who I am and how I speak

my silent voice/ my stil stem

My mamma is my woorde se stem, want ek is al 13 jaar oud maar kan nie praat nie. Tog het ek baie woorde in my kop wat ek graag met julle wil deel oor my lewe as ‘n outistiese seun. Daarom moet ek met my mamma se hulp vir julle skryf of spel op my spelbord, want my stem is stil. My mamma moet my help, maar my woorde is my eie woorde. Ek is nie my eie lyf se baas nie, daarom is dit vir my moeilik om self te tik, so, my mamma help my om te leer tik met Spelling to Communicate. Dit is my mooiste verhaal se begin by Spelling to Communincate wat vir my mamma gewys het dat ek ook mooi slim is en woorde het al het hulle niks klank nie. Ek is baie dankbaar vir Spelling to Communicate, want dit het my…

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